Joe Biden

So, I bet all of you want to know more about this week's savior, Joe Biden. You may think you know, but I have the real dirt. I checked his voting record, his driver's report and his delicious You Tube dance. So what sort of policy does Biden support? Let's take a look.

- Joe Biden does not support Global Warming. He thinks Global Warming is a bad idea and doesn't understand why we don't just ban Global Warming. He says Global Warming is causing crime rates to increase, and children to get hooked on 'fuzz', the new drug he thinks exists.

- Joe Biden is in favor of using cheap cologne to blind women.

- Joe Biden does not support child abuse, but says it's okay to give five firm spanks, followed by mockery.

- Joe Biden supports marriage for married people, or those who wish to get married, as long as someone else decides it's okay.

- Joe Biden likes Roe v. Wade, but would restore the original 'director's cut' which includes partial and full birth abortion along with forced infant suicide. But, he says he doesn't beieve in it personally, just for people who want that sort of thing in places where it's okay.

- Joe Biden's attitude towards other nations is as follows, "Everyone's okay. Just make sure we all follow the rules and then I won't have to decide anything.

- Joe Biden plans on instituting a seventy-five day work week, followed by time to bury the dead. This will fix and then destroy the economy for good.

- Joe Biden likes Riverdance, but would never admit that in places like Idaho.

- Joe Biden is in favor of higher taxes on the wealthy, to give more government money to the wealthy.

- Joe Biden likes good looking, articulate black men. They're okay. It's those 7/11 robbing blacks he doesn't care for.

- Joe Biden has lots of experience being bought off by special interest groups.

- Joe Biden would release all prisoners that 'seem nice enough'.

- Joe Biden is in favor of pandering to blue collar sentiments from his gigantic house which he built in a nature reserve, on top of a nest of endangered owls.

So, here's a little song I wrote for Joe Biden and his awesome fix it all super great future as the Vice President:

Joe, Joe, Joe Biden.
You take psyllicibin.
Your legs are long,
And your hair was once brown.

You're a wet dream for me.
JOE.
BIDEN!