BuzzadirdBilly
Just a quick note to my pals in blog land and then a rant. The note reads thusly: BuzzardBilly rocks. Go see his blog. Link is above.
The rant has nothing to do with him. I just think he's cool.
The rant is as follows and I quote (myself):
I am constantly shocked. Shocked to fucking hell. I am Dr. Robert J. Murk, people. I am the evil side of the mind that we all have. So I see what we do and who we lie to and how we get over on people to get by. Lately, I've noticed a disturbing trend. There are normal people like all of us, who try to pull shit to get by and always get caught, and then there are people like the other rest of us that pull shit to get by an never get caught.
Since I am a shadow self to the internet and I am the orphaned child of your very own psyche, I am torn between the two groups. Let me back up a bit and explain. Everyone lives in this little reality we share. We know it's a tough place. We all do what we have to just to survive. Many of the things we do are distastful and unpleasant to us, but necessary.
We lie. We steal. We break promises. We cheat. We undermine. We sabotage. We headhunt. We flip out. We damage people. We make passive aggresive remarks. We all fucking do it to some degree. We have to. We don't survive long without greasing the wheels of the world with a little bullshit and graft money. We do it.
But, some of us get caught and some don't. Or, better said, some of us PAY dearly for transgressions and some manage to avoid consequences. And there is a relationship between how much we pay and how much we are willing to do not to pay. Meaning, some people know when to duck and let the guy behind them get hit.
Here's the problem.
In a world of competent liars, the stakes are being raised to very high levels. The fall guy who bears the brunt of other people's indiscretions is getting a triple dose. So, when dude number one passes the buck to dude number two, dude number two passes the buck and adds his buck into the kitty and passes it to dude number three. It's like 'hot potato'. When the music stops, the buck has been passed and added to so many times that the poor sucker holding it is paying the tab for many many many previous mistakes made by other people.
This would be okay if every once in a while the final bill landed on a complete shithead. Unfortunately, not a signle complete shithead has been hit by karma in the last 50 years or so.
This is messy. Let me clean it up.
We, the good guys, have been content to allow the blame to fall on us for a long time now. The shitheads haven't had a thing in the world to worry about because we, the good guys, continue to be good guys and just take it.
Here's my idea. Let's take all our crap, every single good guy among us, take our crap and lay the blame squarely on the nearest shithead for a change, even if they really had nothing to do with our crap. Find a shithead, blame him or her for your crap, walk away. Blame the shithead, walk away.
They are going to do it to us anyways. Why not pre-empt the strike?
Signed.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Cake Boss Murk
Lookit!
It's my famous Popcorn Chicken and Taquito Double Layer Cake!
In in other news, ESPN's football coverage has now been simplified for all viewers. The new Sunday Countdown Schedule is as follows:
11 a.m. - a brief discussion about Brett Favre.
11:01 - a question about Tom Brady's health and a comment about the Patriots losing to the Giants in the Superbowl.
11:02 - a discussion about Peyton Manning.
11:05 - coverage of the day's games, complete with references to Brett Favre, Paeyton Manning and and related Patriot's loss.
11:30 - Kenny Mayne does a silly story about Brett favre and Peyton Manning, with a reference to how Eli Manning beat the Patriots in the Superbowl, and so did Brett Favre.
11:45 - A history of Brett favre and Peyton Manning.
11:50 - results from the online poll, What would you pay to see? A Peyton manning Touchdown, a Brett Favre touchdown, or a Patriots loss?
12:00 Tom Jackson does a demonstration on how no one can blitz Brett favre or Payton Manning, complete with a montage of players who have sacked Tom Brady.
12:15 - Cris Carter blows 5 lines of coke off of Chris Berman's thigh.
12:25 - a discussion of how the Patriots have lost a few games this decade and which ones were the most fun to watch.
12:30 - Keyshon Jonson tries to kiss a boy.
12:45 - footage of Peyton Manning and Brett Favre warming up, mixed with footage of Brady being sacked and injured.
12:50 - Cris Carter puts his hands on Tom Jackson for the fiftieth time.
12:55 - Chris Berman ejaculates on a Brett Favre poster.
12:59 - Cris Carter drops his crack-pipe and makes another entertaining ethinic face.
I'm going to go eat my cake.
It's my famous Popcorn Chicken and Taquito Double Layer Cake!
In in other news, ESPN's football coverage has now been simplified for all viewers. The new Sunday Countdown Schedule is as follows:
11 a.m. - a brief discussion about Brett Favre.
11:01 - a question about Tom Brady's health and a comment about the Patriots losing to the Giants in the Superbowl.
11:02 - a discussion about Peyton Manning.
11:05 - coverage of the day's games, complete with references to Brett Favre, Paeyton Manning and and related Patriot's loss.
11:30 - Kenny Mayne does a silly story about Brett favre and Peyton Manning, with a reference to how Eli Manning beat the Patriots in the Superbowl, and so did Brett Favre.
11:45 - A history of Brett favre and Peyton Manning.
11:50 - results from the online poll, What would you pay to see? A Peyton manning Touchdown, a Brett Favre touchdown, or a Patriots loss?
12:00 Tom Jackson does a demonstration on how no one can blitz Brett favre or Payton Manning, complete with a montage of players who have sacked Tom Brady.
12:15 - Cris Carter blows 5 lines of coke off of Chris Berman's thigh.
12:25 - a discussion of how the Patriots have lost a few games this decade and which ones were the most fun to watch.
12:30 - Keyshon Jonson tries to kiss a boy.
12:45 - footage of Peyton Manning and Brett Favre warming up, mixed with footage of Brady being sacked and injured.
12:50 - Cris Carter puts his hands on Tom Jackson for the fiftieth time.
12:55 - Chris Berman ejaculates on a Brett Favre poster.
12:59 - Cris Carter drops his crack-pipe and makes another entertaining ethinic face.
I'm going to go eat my cake.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Da Werld Ceres
So.
Pedro Martinez will pitch in Game 2 of the Baseball World Series against the Yankees. In Yankee Stadium.
Now, I should hate Pedro Martinez, but I don't. He's a cocky little guy who smiles and somehow manages to keep pitching despite his lack of arm over the last 4 years. He shot his way out of Boston and made a complete pubic hair out of himself in the process. BUT.
Now he's pitching against the Yankees in a World Series. So.
Um.
Vote for Pedro.
Pedro Martinez will pitch in Game 2 of the Baseball World Series against the Yankees. In Yankee Stadium.
Now, I should hate Pedro Martinez, but I don't. He's a cocky little guy who smiles and somehow manages to keep pitching despite his lack of arm over the last 4 years. He shot his way out of Boston and made a complete pubic hair out of himself in the process. BUT.
Now he's pitching against the Yankees in a World Series. So.
Um.
Vote for Pedro.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
The Jose Cuervo Jackass
Tequilla tastes like gasoline. Good tequilla tastes like high test gasoline. The jackass on the Jose Cuervo commercials tastes like puke in my mouth. I don't drink and haven't for 3 years. And sure, I used to drink tequilla. Lots of it. But this guy...
He's got this tough guy Italian accent. He is, in his own little quaint way, acting like he's the pope of liquor town, complaining about how high priced tequilla is stupid and how awesome and cool he is for drinking bargain brand hooch. In his fancy Italian suit. With his black wingtips, which somehow always make it into the commercial even though he's sitting behind a table.
Seriously. This isn't his actual schpiel, but here's my imitation, in writing:
"Yo. Fancy tequilla is too fancy for my friggin' tastes. I'm just a regula guy who dresses wicked fancy and talks like dis. So, yous guys who drink dat fancy sissy crap are loooosas. I'm a man. I drink dis shit. So should you. Capice? Eh. Drink up, cockknobs! I'm smooth. Ladies? Yeah. Dig me, huh?"
I can hadnle Pepsi going to work on Coke's image to up sales. Pepsi is a soda and it's comparable. I can deal with auto insurance commercials calling other companies out by name. I can stomach fast food chains making fun of each other. Fine. But JOSE CUERVO???
Tequilla is all piss. If you drink urine, and complain that the fancy urine is all velvet ropes and red carpet and that the good old cheap urine is much cooler, you're nuts. You still drink urine. You can wear a nice suit. You can talk like a tough guy, but you still smell like pee pee.
So, here's the fuckyou to the tequilla guy. fuckyou.
He's got this tough guy Italian accent. He is, in his own little quaint way, acting like he's the pope of liquor town, complaining about how high priced tequilla is stupid and how awesome and cool he is for drinking bargain brand hooch. In his fancy Italian suit. With his black wingtips, which somehow always make it into the commercial even though he's sitting behind a table.
Seriously. This isn't his actual schpiel, but here's my imitation, in writing:
"Yo. Fancy tequilla is too fancy for my friggin' tastes. I'm just a regula guy who dresses wicked fancy and talks like dis. So, yous guys who drink dat fancy sissy crap are loooosas. I'm a man. I drink dis shit. So should you. Capice? Eh. Drink up, cockknobs! I'm smooth. Ladies? Yeah. Dig me, huh?"
I can hadnle Pepsi going to work on Coke's image to up sales. Pepsi is a soda and it's comparable. I can deal with auto insurance commercials calling other companies out by name. I can stomach fast food chains making fun of each other. Fine. But JOSE CUERVO???
Tequilla is all piss. If you drink urine, and complain that the fancy urine is all velvet ropes and red carpet and that the good old cheap urine is much cooler, you're nuts. You still drink urine. You can wear a nice suit. You can talk like a tough guy, but you still smell like pee pee.
So, here's the fuckyou to the tequilla guy. fuckyou.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Yo, Old People!
The Jitterbug phone looks like a toilet seat!
Some wireless telephony company thinks...
a. You will buy a phone named Jitterbug because you were a flapper in the roaring twenties.
b. You talk to toilet seats and like taking craps.
c. Need special buttons to dial a phone because you never used a phone with numbers before! DUH DUH DUH!!!
5. You're used to a soft phone, because those rock hard phones broke your cheekbone.
s. Old people hate contracts and would never sign one.
#. You call the operator for any situation you can't handle by your crippled demented self.
Please don't buy the Jitterbug, old people. If you can't figure out these new fangled whatsit phones... DON'T FUCKING BUY ONE! Use your home phone and get life alert.
JITTERBUG IS A CRAPPY FUCK PHONE BACKED BY A MARKETING PLOY OF ZIONIST DEVILS LOOKING TO STEAL YOUR JEWELRY AND EAT YOUR GRANDKIDS!!!
This has been a public service announcement from some guy who writes a dumbass blog.
Some wireless telephony company thinks...
a. You will buy a phone named Jitterbug because you were a flapper in the roaring twenties.
b. You talk to toilet seats and like taking craps.
c. Need special buttons to dial a phone because you never used a phone with numbers before! DUH DUH DUH!!!
5. You're used to a soft phone, because those rock hard phones broke your cheekbone.
s. Old people hate contracts and would never sign one.
#. You call the operator for any situation you can't handle by your crippled demented self.
Please don't buy the Jitterbug, old people. If you can't figure out these new fangled whatsit phones... DON'T FUCKING BUY ONE! Use your home phone and get life alert.
JITTERBUG IS A CRAPPY FUCK PHONE BACKED BY A MARKETING PLOY OF ZIONIST DEVILS LOOKING TO STEAL YOUR JEWELRY AND EAT YOUR GRANDKIDS!!!
This has been a public service announcement from some guy who writes a dumbass blog.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
This Just In...
Tom Brady still has snakes.
Not to worry, New England.
I have big time bats!
Yes. I admit it. I suffer from bats, big time. I have had big time bats for years now. It's not as bad as having the AIDS or HEP-C (Oh yeah!!!!), but big time bats are a serious problem.
I go to work? Big time bats. I come home. Yup. Still got big time bats. I go swimming... you got it. Big time bats all over the pool, bothering all swimmers. It's not sexy. You ever try to make sweet passion to a lady while your big time bats flare up? It isn't ideal.
And I'm not alone. Many studs have big time bats. Bon Jovi. Ted Dansen. Fredrick Mercury. The list goes on for seconds. So, if you know someone with big time bast, quit laughing. Someday, it may or may not be you or someone you've seen or never heard of. Please. Stop staring.
Fank you.
Not to worry, New England.
I have big time bats!
Yes. I admit it. I suffer from bats, big time. I have had big time bats for years now. It's not as bad as having the AIDS or HEP-C (Oh yeah!!!!), but big time bats are a serious problem.
I go to work? Big time bats. I come home. Yup. Still got big time bats. I go swimming... you got it. Big time bats all over the pool, bothering all swimmers. It's not sexy. You ever try to make sweet passion to a lady while your big time bats flare up? It isn't ideal.
And I'm not alone. Many studs have big time bats. Bon Jovi. Ted Dansen. Fredrick Mercury. The list goes on for seconds. So, if you know someone with big time bast, quit laughing. Someday, it may or may not be you or someone you've seen or never heard of. Please. Stop staring.
Fank you.
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