The Man From New York

This is the man from New York. The man I will most likely see there:



Oh oh. I love him he's so cool! What's he going to do next? Huh? Oh this is gonna be good. He's so cool and all alone and I don't think he has any clue what we due to little people like him. Right? RIGHT?

Hang on. wait for it... you're going to be impressed... he's there and I don't like him but it's time to give him a little present... are you ready?

Cue the Dragon!!!!

True New York

So, I decided to do some research on the big city before I leave for my New Year's adventure. From Gribley's Travel and Wartnot:

New York City, New York Prefecture, American States - New York is a hostile land known for it's rats and transexuals. Residents travel underground and live on top of one another. Everything costs five dollars. Many people with blades attack everyone who moves. Inanimate objects are possesed by ethnic sex demons. Command like "Take your clothes off" are heard from the windows and the busses are on fire at night.

My Brother Got Hit By a Boat

The whole united stinks of amerigone, god bless us, is in need of a purge. It is with this in mynd that I pack mah bags for the fair city of New York to usher in the New Year. I have no idea why this is on my list of things to do before I die.

First off, New York holds no special place in the chronology of history or the history of chronology. New Years in New York really just kind of invented itself. All I know is I don't drink, it's going to be ass bass ass bass bassa assa cold out there in Father Time Square and my BRILLIANT chapeau is little consolation.

On the other shoe, there's a part of me that wants to swim in a sea of New Year's Wishes. *shoots self*

This Thing

So, I'm watching TV about a week ago and I get this creepy thing that keeps happening to me. Some female model comes on talking about some crap she's selling and suddenly, she becomes so beautiful she's ugly.

Seriously. I looked at her and she was stunning. Absolutely breath taking. Then, everything she was became ugly. It wasn't some sort of ideological thing about beauty for sale. I think she burnt out my beauty circuit. I think my mind had enough of beauty. There's too much of it. A surplus of it. As TV and film pushes the envelope, regular gals try to keep up. This raises even a moderately pretty girl or guy to a new level when they use the hollywood image as the goal.

Everyone and everything is getting too pretty.

I want to smash it.

Suddenly, I was awash in punk angst, but it was a visceral response and not a hunger for rebellion. My beauty meter had flamed out completely and all beauty cause a sickening buzz in my mind for a few days.

I'm better now, but the impression lingers. There's something devious going on in advertising, but I think it might end up having unintended backlash. The mind can only handle so much beauty.

St. Louis Five Knuckle Shuffle

"Earn your five million dollars, boy!"

Dear Spacefarmer1

There It Is!!!!

Edit: Added poem.



"After Christ-a-must days,
I got some mayonaise.
It was two days after
CHRIST-a-MUST!

It was the best jar
Of stuff by far.
It was blue and filled
With spacedust!

Give me mayonaise!
For my chicken rondolays!
Happy Christ-a-must days...
Tooooooo Yoouuuuuuuu...."

In other news, the snow ate my baby:

Cue The Dragon!

Okay. Bear with me for a second. This is the new rage. Okay. Okay. I'm making something up here, but it's okay. So, you know how life kinda builds and builds and builds? Like,everything gets crazy intense and people start calling, and relatives reveal secrets and so on?

No?

You know what I mean! Things are just rolling along like normal and nothing big, and then, just a tingle on the back of the neck..... mmmmmmm. Wait for it.

You could swear you felt something....

Is he going to tell me something? The money? WHAT? A rumble off in the distance....

Plane or thunder? Either way, it's coming. A storm is coming. Another rumble. No no no. He's not serious is he????

Yep. I'm going to do it. You thought I couldn't do it. But here it goes.

Cue the DRAGON!







.......





shit.

SHOCKED!

I got an email from a long time reader and it was... negative!!!

Dear Dr. Murk,

What's up buddy? Naw, just kidding. You're a complete ass. I've been lurking around your blog for a long time and many times I've wondered if I should comment. I never have, cause you seem very defensive and hostile. Is it because you're a walking cock with an ego problem? Does it make you feel like a big man to insult people you don't know and spread your macho biggotry over the internet so no one can call you out?

Well, I'm calling you you out. I'm going to challenge you right here via email. You and me. No refs, no pins. A knockout death match. First one to 20 knockouts wins. I am so about kicking your ass right now I can't even breath without skullfucking your image in my mind. I've got goosebumps the size of an ape's ass thinking about slipping on my tight wrestling shorts and getting all oiled up and locking horns with you on the mat.

Something all the fans out there have to realize is that there's s new sherrif in town and I was made to boogie down. YEAH! That's right Murk. You call your friends and tell them to get with my friends and we can go all night! WOOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'm a train, bitch! Can you handle the hot white avalanche??????????

Aggressively,

Buzz Sawyer
DMD, DDS, PhD, Esq asap

Well, I uh