Carbon Dreadlow is a complicated man. His videos frighten me a bit:
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Cue the End Credits
I can't do it. I can't bring myself to vote for John McCain.
He's too old.
He's too entrenched.
He's 1980s in a 2008 bikini.
I cannot vote for that thing.
Maybe Obama has that international flair to get us out of this mess. Maybe his charisma will work on our estranged foreign friends. Maybe he really won't give a shit about the soap box and the pork barrel. Maybe he really has good intentions and will try to make good.
All that is good and right about being a moral and fiscal conservative has been perverted by politics.
Will I vote Democrat? Hell no.
Sidelines.
Yup. Wuss out. These are not my leaders. They're ruining my country for what? A job. Some fame. A little power?
Where is my fiddle?
He's too old.
He's too entrenched.
He's 1980s in a 2008 bikini.
I cannot vote for that thing.
Maybe Obama has that international flair to get us out of this mess. Maybe his charisma will work on our estranged foreign friends. Maybe he really won't give a shit about the soap box and the pork barrel. Maybe he really has good intentions and will try to make good.
All that is good and right about being a moral and fiscal conservative has been perverted by politics.
Will I vote Democrat? Hell no.
Sidelines.
Yup. Wuss out. These are not my leaders. They're ruining my country for what? A job. Some fame. A little power?
Where is my fiddle?
Friday, May 23, 2008
Consumer ZProtest from Chris Morris
Chris Morris is my friend. He asksn for very little.
"Sorry for the Interruption
It's Christopher Morris here with a consumer complaint. I would ask that you post this on your blogs or send via email, even though it is a local issue.
First, the good. That's a sentence fragment, but who cares. The Hyundai Motor Company makes an awesome line of cars. They are super reliable, have a great 100,000 mile drivetrain warantee with a great extended warantee to boot for a small sum. They work hard to get the financing at a great rate and easy payments. Their dealers are typical high pressure, negitiate until your teeth hurt salesmen, but come on! That's half the fun. AND their service departments are superior. The fight for warrantee work and give you a loaner car and call every day with updates.
Now, the bad news. Rick Torres Empire Hyundai:
Company DetailsLocation: Fall River, MAFounders: Richard R. Torres, 41
Website: www.empirehyundai.com
Year Started: January 2000
Initial Investment: $200K
Turned a Profit: 2000
First Million: 2002
2002 Sales: $18.4M
2006 Sales: $60.7MNumber of Employees:
Day 1: 9
2006: 85
2007: 111*
Awesome company. Great service department, initially. Four years ago, the let go of some of the service managers and installed a few real hard asses. We fought tooth and nail. Then, when we had a drivetrain problem and a ball joint problem, they tried to screw us.
Background. My father has worked in the automotive service industry for 30 years, with Goodyear, Getty, Moe's Alignment senter (owner, operator) and for Henney's Towing and repair and Glassman Auto (one of the most respected car dealerships and repair facilities in all of the Bristol Area. I had Glassman do the 60,000 mile madatory replacement of the timing belt, water pump and tensioners. ALL Hyundai Certified parts, with an ASE certified mechanic and a full itemization. Their reputation is known in three states as a quality shop.
So, a year later a few problems pop up. We take it to RICK TORRES EMPIRE HYUNDAI. Jeff White, the service manager, is reasonably sure it's all warantee work, but promises to call if there are any problems. Without written consent, he takes the car apart (not even necessary) claims the timing belt is mangled and it's going to cost $450.00, no warantee, to fix.
Hold on, I say. You did not authorize this.
Well, I've got your car in pieces in my bay right now. It will cost you just as much to put it all back to gether, but feel free to take it somewhere else.
Me: when can you have it fixed?
One week.
Oh? So, how are you going to get it out of the bay?
It's going to sit there until you agree to pay or my guy puts it together and we get paid for his time.
Me: My father works at Glassman auto. They replace the timing belt, the water pump and the tensioner. So, they screwed up?
Yes.
Okay, my brother in law works for a dealership and he could shede a little light on this. I want all the parts you take out.
I can't give those to you.
By law, you have to.
No, they have to go to warantee to ensure that we did the right work.
The job you said wasn't under warantee, you said.
It's half under warantee.
I want my my guys to look at the parts before then. They have all the records and they'll see about this.
Well, it's going to cost you that much either way.
So, you've got me over barrel here. This is like blackmail.
I'm just doing my job.
Look, I've been around car repair long enough. You're lying.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
Who can I talk to about this?
No one. I'm the manager here.
I'll hand it to JEFF WHITE, he never raised his voice and made me sound like a cranky old man.
Fearing for my car, I apologized and told him to do the work. I even said my stress level was too high and I should not be taking it out on him and that he was doing his job. Which, I didn't tell him, was swindling people.
I did my research and had a few phone calls made to RICK TORRES HYUNDAI.
SHOCK! It all magically got covered under warantee. THEN, they'd stolen money from the car. Yes, we'd left it there on purpose. The last straw.
Facts.
1. NO repair shop can touch your car without a written good faith estimate and cannot proceed beyond that estimate without another written consent.
2. The cannot charge you labor for any work they innitiate to investigate a problem.
3. No company in their right mind ties up a service bay with a car 'totally taken apart' for nine days. They had to put it back together to get it out of the bay to work on other cars.
4. They have no right to lock your car in a gated lock if they have done no repairs, unless they are willing to release it with a signature of receit.
I was blackmailed, lied to and meant to feel very stressed out AND had to kiss the ass of a lying worm of a service manager just to save my car.
Lastly, they dumped motor oil on parts of the engine to make it smoke and smell to try and get us to come in for a supposed oil leak. Nice try.
Customer service cannot get either manager on the phone to resolve this. I want an admission of the lying and blackmail, reprocussions for JEFF WHITE and a watchdog on their ass, like the Mass Better Business Bureau.
They pull this crap with old ladies and women and executives with no car knowledge.
Advice:
Go with your gut. If the price jumps without warning, refuse and ask to take the car immediately with no service charge.
Keep spotless records.
Always ask for parts that were taken out and double check with another shop if you suspect foul play.
SPEAK UP! Squeaky wheel gets the grease. We got our warantee work for $50.00 (on a $600.0 bill).
They are NEVER authorized to do work without an itemized estimate signed by you and cannot ecceed it with another signed release.
If you get screwed, fight back and threaten bad press. Call the local channels scam busters, the papers and blog and email. Bad press will force their hand.
Don't let them badger you. Get your research lined up and call a reputable shop and ask question. It helps to offer the new shop all your following business if they can help.
PLEASE post this or link it or whatever you can do.
Hyundai is a great company. Their service department is excellent, but many LIKE RICK TORRES EMPIRE HYUNDAI's service department are looking to scam.
I invite Rick Torres, his General Manager (not his service manager) to contact me at eliasdolon@charter.net understand, that's not my real name for privacy issues on the net, but I'll feel free to tell you who I am and explain further in a rational way what happened.
cc www.empirehyundai.com"
Please post everywhere and send nasty emails to hyundai
"Sorry for the Interruption
It's Christopher Morris here with a consumer complaint. I would ask that you post this on your blogs or send via email, even though it is a local issue.
First, the good. That's a sentence fragment, but who cares. The Hyundai Motor Company makes an awesome line of cars. They are super reliable, have a great 100,000 mile drivetrain warantee with a great extended warantee to boot for a small sum. They work hard to get the financing at a great rate and easy payments. Their dealers are typical high pressure, negitiate until your teeth hurt salesmen, but come on! That's half the fun. AND their service departments are superior. The fight for warrantee work and give you a loaner car and call every day with updates.
Now, the bad news. Rick Torres Empire Hyundai:
Company DetailsLocation: Fall River, MAFounders: Richard R. Torres, 41
Website: www.empirehyundai.com
Year Started: January 2000
Initial Investment: $200K
Turned a Profit: 2000
First Million: 2002
2002 Sales: $18.4M
2006 Sales: $60.7MNumber of Employees:
Day 1: 9
2006: 85
2007: 111*
Awesome company. Great service department, initially. Four years ago, the let go of some of the service managers and installed a few real hard asses. We fought tooth and nail. Then, when we had a drivetrain problem and a ball joint problem, they tried to screw us.
Background. My father has worked in the automotive service industry for 30 years, with Goodyear, Getty, Moe's Alignment senter (owner, operator) and for Henney's Towing and repair and Glassman Auto (one of the most respected car dealerships and repair facilities in all of the Bristol Area. I had Glassman do the 60,000 mile madatory replacement of the timing belt, water pump and tensioners. ALL Hyundai Certified parts, with an ASE certified mechanic and a full itemization. Their reputation is known in three states as a quality shop.
So, a year later a few problems pop up. We take it to RICK TORRES EMPIRE HYUNDAI. Jeff White, the service manager, is reasonably sure it's all warantee work, but promises to call if there are any problems. Without written consent, he takes the car apart (not even necessary) claims the timing belt is mangled and it's going to cost $450.00, no warantee, to fix.
Hold on, I say. You did not authorize this.
Well, I've got your car in pieces in my bay right now. It will cost you just as much to put it all back to gether, but feel free to take it somewhere else.
Me: when can you have it fixed?
One week.
Oh? So, how are you going to get it out of the bay?
It's going to sit there until you agree to pay or my guy puts it together and we get paid for his time.
Me: My father works at Glassman auto. They replace the timing belt, the water pump and the tensioner. So, they screwed up?
Yes.
Okay, my brother in law works for a dealership and he could shede a little light on this. I want all the parts you take out.
I can't give those to you.
By law, you have to.
No, they have to go to warantee to ensure that we did the right work.
The job you said wasn't under warantee, you said.
It's half under warantee.
I want my my guys to look at the parts before then. They have all the records and they'll see about this.
Well, it's going to cost you that much either way.
So, you've got me over barrel here. This is like blackmail.
I'm just doing my job.
Look, I've been around car repair long enough. You're lying.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
Who can I talk to about this?
No one. I'm the manager here.
I'll hand it to JEFF WHITE, he never raised his voice and made me sound like a cranky old man.
Fearing for my car, I apologized and told him to do the work. I even said my stress level was too high and I should not be taking it out on him and that he was doing his job. Which, I didn't tell him, was swindling people.
I did my research and had a few phone calls made to RICK TORRES HYUNDAI.
SHOCK! It all magically got covered under warantee. THEN, they'd stolen money from the car. Yes, we'd left it there on purpose. The last straw.
Facts.
1. NO repair shop can touch your car without a written good faith estimate and cannot proceed beyond that estimate without another written consent.
2. The cannot charge you labor for any work they innitiate to investigate a problem.
3. No company in their right mind ties up a service bay with a car 'totally taken apart' for nine days. They had to put it back together to get it out of the bay to work on other cars.
4. They have no right to lock your car in a gated lock if they have done no repairs, unless they are willing to release it with a signature of receit.
I was blackmailed, lied to and meant to feel very stressed out AND had to kiss the ass of a lying worm of a service manager just to save my car.
Lastly, they dumped motor oil on parts of the engine to make it smoke and smell to try and get us to come in for a supposed oil leak. Nice try.
Customer service cannot get either manager on the phone to resolve this. I want an admission of the lying and blackmail, reprocussions for JEFF WHITE and a watchdog on their ass, like the Mass Better Business Bureau.
They pull this crap with old ladies and women and executives with no car knowledge.
Advice:
Go with your gut. If the price jumps without warning, refuse and ask to take the car immediately with no service charge.
Keep spotless records.
Always ask for parts that were taken out and double check with another shop if you suspect foul play.
SPEAK UP! Squeaky wheel gets the grease. We got our warantee work for $50.00 (on a $600.0 bill).
They are NEVER authorized to do work without an itemized estimate signed by you and cannot ecceed it with another signed release.
If you get screwed, fight back and threaten bad press. Call the local channels scam busters, the papers and blog and email. Bad press will force their hand.
Don't let them badger you. Get your research lined up and call a reputable shop and ask question. It helps to offer the new shop all your following business if they can help.
PLEASE post this or link it or whatever you can do.
Hyundai is a great company. Their service department is excellent, but many LIKE RICK TORRES EMPIRE HYUNDAI's service department are looking to scam.
I invite Rick Torres, his General Manager (not his service manager) to contact me at eliasdolon@charter.net understand, that's not my real name for privacy issues on the net, but I'll feel free to tell you who I am and explain further in a rational way what happened.
cc www.empirehyundai.com"
Please post everywhere and send nasty emails to hyundai
Thursday, May 22, 2008
The World of the Blog
Fully aware of the medium I exist in, I have a gripe with bloggers and blogs in general.
Papa Murk summarized it. Every idiot now has an outlet to express themselves. The solution used to be to ignore them. Then, when the blog came, just don't read them.
Now, bloggers are reporting news, sitting in and asking questions at press conferences, being cited by news outlets and further blurring the lines between opinion and fact.
Now now now wait a second! Blogs are for two things.
1. Writing crap about your life that no one cares about, except for your fat blogging 'family' and a bag of funnybones.
2. Entertaining readers.
If you want to be a pundit, or sideline analyst or beat writer, FUCK YOU. Pay your dues and get a job. Some bloggers are great writers, but there is NO OVERSIGHT. No editor to squash that unfounder rumor. No parent company to hit you up and fire you for plagarism. It's free speech, got that right and thank GOD, but don't tell me that free speech includes free slander, inuendo and slanted politics. That's for CNN.
So, in theme with my new philosophy of civil disobedience, I am starting 'blog ins'. I'm going to camp successful blogs and comment with borederline nonsense and mild protest.
I encourage you to find a blog that doesn't deserve the priviledge of open readership and SHUT IT DOWN!
Papa Murk summarized it. Every idiot now has an outlet to express themselves. The solution used to be to ignore them. Then, when the blog came, just don't read them.
Now, bloggers are reporting news, sitting in and asking questions at press conferences, being cited by news outlets and further blurring the lines between opinion and fact.
Now now now wait a second! Blogs are for two things.
1. Writing crap about your life that no one cares about, except for your fat blogging 'family' and a bag of funnybones.
2. Entertaining readers.
If you want to be a pundit, or sideline analyst or beat writer, FUCK YOU. Pay your dues and get a job. Some bloggers are great writers, but there is NO OVERSIGHT. No editor to squash that unfounder rumor. No parent company to hit you up and fire you for plagarism. It's free speech, got that right and thank GOD, but don't tell me that free speech includes free slander, inuendo and slanted politics. That's for CNN.
So, in theme with my new philosophy of civil disobedience, I am starting 'blog ins'. I'm going to camp successful blogs and comment with borederline nonsense and mild protest.
I encourage you to find a blog that doesn't deserve the priviledge of open readership and SHUT IT DOWN!
Sunday, May 18, 2008
The Truth Will Set You Free
"Take this down. My name is Shaquille O'Neal and Paul Pierce is the motherfucking truth. Quote me on that and don't take nothing out. I knew he could play, but I didn't know he could play like this. Paul Pierce is the truth."
Shaquile O'Neal, 2001
Shaquile O'Neal, 2001
Saturday, May 17, 2008
ATTENTION IDIOTS
I have dropped my conservative agenda. I now support senseless civil disobedience of any kind.
That is all.
That is all.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Fear of a Dead Planet
So, here's a new one on me. It seems that Kansas has popped its ugly anti-science head up again. There's a twist of course. Knowing that environmentalists care about the planet, Kansas is now offering the alternative class "Intelligent Planet".
Ut.
Oh.
What do we do? If we tell them not to teach it, they might just as well say fine, but we have to give up saving it, due to its lack of intelligence. They're tying this in with abortion as well. They arguement goes, if we can kill unborn babies, why can't we kill the planet? We have freedom of choice, right?
Even worse is how they claim there's NO homosexual behavior in the animal kingdom. If we aree, then they've got some ground laid down to upend any attempt at gay marriage. If we disagree, they tell us not to act like butt humping dogs.
They're also starting a worldwide religitainment network. Of the scheduled line up, one of the most disturbing is called "God Made the Atom; God Split the Atom: The Story of God's Wrath and Mercy Through Nuclear Fission".
They have also banned every book from the classroms, even the Bible. If we support this, we look like a bunch of book burning Neanderthals. If we oppose it, they plan on returning all the books, incliding the bible back into classrooms.
Spread the word. Post this on your blog. Email it to friend. We must stop Kansas before they get out of control.
Ut.
Oh.
What do we do? If we tell them not to teach it, they might just as well say fine, but we have to give up saving it, due to its lack of intelligence. They're tying this in with abortion as well. They arguement goes, if we can kill unborn babies, why can't we kill the planet? We have freedom of choice, right?
Even worse is how they claim there's NO homosexual behavior in the animal kingdom. If we aree, then they've got some ground laid down to upend any attempt at gay marriage. If we disagree, they tell us not to act like butt humping dogs.
They're also starting a worldwide religitainment network. Of the scheduled line up, one of the most disturbing is called "God Made the Atom; God Split the Atom: The Story of God's Wrath and Mercy Through Nuclear Fission".
They have also banned every book from the classroms, even the Bible. If we support this, we look like a bunch of book burning Neanderthals. If we oppose it, they plan on returning all the books, incliding the bible back into classrooms.
Spread the word. Post this on your blog. Email it to friend. We must stop Kansas before they get out of control.
Friday, May 9, 2008
A Children's Book
Shoe Bear
by Dr. Robert J. Murk
Once, in the land of Magical Surprises, there lived a happy village of people called the Choos. They were so happy because all of them had the bestest, comfortablest shoes in the Multiverse.
One day, a giant hairy stranger Named Shoe Bear came to town. He was from a parallel membrane that had bumped into the Brane of Bliss in which the Land of Magical Surprise existed.
The Choos welcomed this stranger from the Shadowverse (as they called Brane 31xKp, where Shoe Bear came from). They sang him such a merry song of derring do that he collapsed in tears.
"Ohhhhwah," he said in his Louis Armstong crooning bear voice, "Thank you. Thank you. I been so sad livin in my ole Brane 31xKp. I sooooo glad you all sang me sucha luuuuvly song!"
"Hey," one Choo said, "What the hell is Tree Won Escapey?"
"No no," Shoe Bear said, "You got it all wrong! It's jus a bunch of numbahs and lettahs."
"Num Bars and Lettuce sounds delicious," another Choo said.
"What are you all," Shoe Bear asked, smiling, "A bunch a Meth Head? It's 3-1-s-K-p!"
"Oh," the Choos said, slapping each other in the groin, which was their customary sign of stupidity. Then, they sang another song for Shoe Bear.
Shoe Bear was so greatful he made them a promise.
"Now," he said, "I'm gone go away for a few days an seein' as you all like yo shoes so much, an me being a Shoe Bear an wutnot, I'm gone go like I says an make yous all a bunch o shoes like you never dun seen!"
There was a considerable reaction to this. The Choos punched themselves in the eye in their customary way of showing absolute joy!
And so the days passed.
A month later, a Choo was heard to ask aloud, "Say, where is that Shoe Bear fellow and all thos new shoes he promissed?"
"Maybe," another Choo suggested, "He was just some crazy dickhead."
But lo! Bounding over the hills at that moment came Shoe Bear! He had a bag of shoes.
"Oh my," he said as the Choos rushed out to greet him, "You show all got some tiny feet there." He pulled out a pair of shoes that was very small. He knocked one of the Choos to the ground and tugged his shoes off. "Let's jus fix you up propper," Shoe Bear said as he tried as hard as he could to get the tiny shoe on the tiny Choos' foot.
"AHHHHHHHH!!!!" the Choo screamed in pain, "AHHHHHHHH!!! SWEET MOTHER OF FREAKING HELL!!! STOP!!!!"
"Shut up, ya little bitch," Shoe Bear said, "Shoes gotta be tight at first to fit right."
"You're breaking his bones!" another Choo screamed. Pop, snap, crack went the bones in his foot, but soon enough, the shoes were on.
"Now, you better run away before I gets thirsty for your blood," Shoe Bear said, but it was too late. Shoe Bear had bit him hard in the neck and drank him warm and yummy.
The other Choos stood and watched in shock.
"Whoa," one said. "Those shoes don't fit very well at all!"
"Let's run away," one suggested. But Shoe Bear was too clever. He'd already started ramming shoes onto other Choos' feet. Crinkle, CRACK, crunch, went the bones. AHHHHHHH! went the Choo.
One by one, Shoe Bear broke their feet in tiny shoes and drank them warm and yummy. Then, he noticed all the Choos were dead and empty of blood. He gathered up all of their old shoes and put them in the bag he carried.
"These some damn fine shoes they got," he said. "Now, I just need to find a town wit some people with slightly bigger feet."
The End
by Dr. Robert J. Murk
Once, in the land of Magical Surprises, there lived a happy village of people called the Choos. They were so happy because all of them had the bestest, comfortablest shoes in the Multiverse.
One day, a giant hairy stranger Named Shoe Bear came to town. He was from a parallel membrane that had bumped into the Brane of Bliss in which the Land of Magical Surprise existed.
The Choos welcomed this stranger from the Shadowverse (as they called Brane 31xKp, where Shoe Bear came from). They sang him such a merry song of derring do that he collapsed in tears.
"Ohhhhwah," he said in his Louis Armstong crooning bear voice, "Thank you. Thank you. I been so sad livin in my ole Brane 31xKp. I sooooo glad you all sang me sucha luuuuvly song!"
"Hey," one Choo said, "What the hell is Tree Won Escapey?"
"No no," Shoe Bear said, "You got it all wrong! It's jus a bunch of numbahs and lettahs."
"Num Bars and Lettuce sounds delicious," another Choo said.
"What are you all," Shoe Bear asked, smiling, "A bunch a Meth Head? It's 3-1-s-K-p!"
"Oh," the Choos said, slapping each other in the groin, which was their customary sign of stupidity. Then, they sang another song for Shoe Bear.
Shoe Bear was so greatful he made them a promise.
"Now," he said, "I'm gone go away for a few days an seein' as you all like yo shoes so much, an me being a Shoe Bear an wutnot, I'm gone go like I says an make yous all a bunch o shoes like you never dun seen!"
There was a considerable reaction to this. The Choos punched themselves in the eye in their customary way of showing absolute joy!
And so the days passed.
A month later, a Choo was heard to ask aloud, "Say, where is that Shoe Bear fellow and all thos new shoes he promissed?"
"Maybe," another Choo suggested, "He was just some crazy dickhead."
But lo! Bounding over the hills at that moment came Shoe Bear! He had a bag of shoes.
"Oh my," he said as the Choos rushed out to greet him, "You show all got some tiny feet there." He pulled out a pair of shoes that was very small. He knocked one of the Choos to the ground and tugged his shoes off. "Let's jus fix you up propper," Shoe Bear said as he tried as hard as he could to get the tiny shoe on the tiny Choos' foot.
"AHHHHHHHH!!!!" the Choo screamed in pain, "AHHHHHHHH!!! SWEET MOTHER OF FREAKING HELL!!! STOP!!!!"
"Shut up, ya little bitch," Shoe Bear said, "Shoes gotta be tight at first to fit right."
"You're breaking his bones!" another Choo screamed. Pop, snap, crack went the bones in his foot, but soon enough, the shoes were on.
"Now, you better run away before I gets thirsty for your blood," Shoe Bear said, but it was too late. Shoe Bear had bit him hard in the neck and drank him warm and yummy.
The other Choos stood and watched in shock.
"Whoa," one said. "Those shoes don't fit very well at all!"
"Let's run away," one suggested. But Shoe Bear was too clever. He'd already started ramming shoes onto other Choos' feet. Crinkle, CRACK, crunch, went the bones. AHHHHHHH! went the Choo.
One by one, Shoe Bear broke their feet in tiny shoes and drank them warm and yummy. Then, he noticed all the Choos were dead and empty of blood. He gathered up all of their old shoes and put them in the bag he carried.
"These some damn fine shoes they got," he said. "Now, I just need to find a town wit some people with slightly bigger feet."
The End
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Fame and the Perils of the Intarweb
Murk. Is that my real name?
It's a loaded question. If I say yes, I'm a liar and can easily be detected. If I say no, then I'm hiding behind a mask, begging to be exposed.
So, let's end this potential Mexican Standoff before anyone fires a shot. No. Dr. Robert J. Murk is not my real name. It is an invention, a fiction. It is for entertainment only. Mainly my entertainment, but hey.
Why hide? Got something to hide Murk? Yup. I could cite hundreds of practical reasons, but let's say my real name was Bisby Rasputin Ticklesteen. No one would take me seriously. Even if I had a normal name like Fred Papers, we all know, no one likes Fred Papers. No one hates Fred Papers. Not true of Dr. Robert J. Murk. People love him and hate him. Some care less.
Here's my angle. If I wanted to post under my real name, I would. In fact, I do. Not here of course. This is a place of bad magic tricks and slander. It is a land of milk and Tylenol PM. It's offensive, stupid, ham handed hack drivel that I love writing.
Sure, unmasking Dr. Murk would shine a light on the madness of his creator, but honestly... truth is far less fun in this case. Here, it's a Murk Reality Zone, free of logic, scruples and morals.
I must admit, it's become tough not to be Murk in real life. Just ask Malach. I stupidly acted the Murk at a recent family gathering. I was in a Murk Moment and got caught throwing a Murk Tantrum. It never should have happened.
Is the name real? No, but the guy does exist here and in my mind and in the mind of others.
A famous magician once said that if you reveal the trick, it's no longer magic. It's just a trick. People love magic. They hate to be tricked. So, let's prolong the magic for a bit more until the global agenda of Third Option Media, Hill TV and Rubbersuit Studios is realized.
Be kind. People who drag others skeletons out of the closet eventually become bone collectors and nothing else. We can all admit it's a poor man's charade, this privacy of the Intarweb, but I am a poor man.
And to throw another dumb cliche out, I'm a shallow puddle. Don't try to dive in.
It's a loaded question. If I say yes, I'm a liar and can easily be detected. If I say no, then I'm hiding behind a mask, begging to be exposed.
So, let's end this potential Mexican Standoff before anyone fires a shot. No. Dr. Robert J. Murk is not my real name. It is an invention, a fiction. It is for entertainment only. Mainly my entertainment, but hey.
Why hide? Got something to hide Murk? Yup. I could cite hundreds of practical reasons, but let's say my real name was Bisby Rasputin Ticklesteen. No one would take me seriously. Even if I had a normal name like Fred Papers, we all know, no one likes Fred Papers. No one hates Fred Papers. Not true of Dr. Robert J. Murk. People love him and hate him. Some care less.
Here's my angle. If I wanted to post under my real name, I would. In fact, I do. Not here of course. This is a place of bad magic tricks and slander. It is a land of milk and Tylenol PM. It's offensive, stupid, ham handed hack drivel that I love writing.
Sure, unmasking Dr. Murk would shine a light on the madness of his creator, but honestly... truth is far less fun in this case. Here, it's a Murk Reality Zone, free of logic, scruples and morals.
I must admit, it's become tough not to be Murk in real life. Just ask Malach. I stupidly acted the Murk at a recent family gathering. I was in a Murk Moment and got caught throwing a Murk Tantrum. It never should have happened.
Is the name real? No, but the guy does exist here and in my mind and in the mind of others.
A famous magician once said that if you reveal the trick, it's no longer magic. It's just a trick. People love magic. They hate to be tricked. So, let's prolong the magic for a bit more until the global agenda of Third Option Media, Hill TV and Rubbersuit Studios is realized.
Be kind. People who drag others skeletons out of the closet eventually become bone collectors and nothing else. We can all admit it's a poor man's charade, this privacy of the Intarweb, but I am a poor man.
And to throw another dumb cliche out, I'm a shallow puddle. Don't try to dive in.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Life Immitates News
Sometimes you have one of those days where you wonder, what else could go wrong? Well, Hillary Clinton had one of those days yesterday. It's a long standing tradition to get Presidential Candidates to pick a winner for the Kentucky Derby.
With her campaign obviously failing, he rival gaining superdelegates despite being a black madman, Hillary Clinton decided to get cute. When asked which horse she picked to win, she made a funny. She picked the only girl horse (a 'fillet'), Eight Bells.
Eight Bells was put down (killed) on the track yesterday.
Clinton backed the wrong horse. It's weird because some superdelegates have said the same thing about backing her.
Not to beat a dead horse, but she's the only girl horse in the race and she'll have to be put down while still on the track.
When Senator Clinton heard the news, she was heard to sigh, "You're fucking kidding me. What else?"
The what else was that she burned the roast because she got caught up watching General Hospital reruns on Soap Network. No wonder no one wants her for President! Imagine if that roast was an important summit.
Her handlers have tried many times to get her to understand the idea of responsibility for her own good. You know what they say, you can lead a horse to water, but she'll probably just fall down and have to be shot because she's too dumb to stop trying to run.
Rest In Piece, Eight Bells. I look forward to seeing you soon at McDonald's for the premiere of the $8.88 Belle Burger with 100% fillet meat. Mmmmmm mmmmm. It' what?
With her campaign obviously failing, he rival gaining superdelegates despite being a black madman, Hillary Clinton decided to get cute. When asked which horse she picked to win, she made a funny. She picked the only girl horse (a 'fillet'), Eight Bells.
Eight Bells was put down (killed) on the track yesterday.
Clinton backed the wrong horse. It's weird because some superdelegates have said the same thing about backing her.
Not to beat a dead horse, but she's the only girl horse in the race and she'll have to be put down while still on the track.
When Senator Clinton heard the news, she was heard to sigh, "You're fucking kidding me. What else?"
The what else was that she burned the roast because she got caught up watching General Hospital reruns on Soap Network. No wonder no one wants her for President! Imagine if that roast was an important summit.
Her handlers have tried many times to get her to understand the idea of responsibility for her own good. You know what they say, you can lead a horse to water, but she'll probably just fall down and have to be shot because she's too dumb to stop trying to run.
Rest In Piece, Eight Bells. I look forward to seeing you soon at McDonald's for the premiere of the $8.88 Belle Burger with 100% fillet meat. Mmmmmm mmmmm. It' what?
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