Child's Pig Wins Two Races at Bolton County State Fair

NEWSBOYS EXCLUSIVE:

In another stunning development in the popular sport of Pig Racing, some hyperactive kid named Justin hit a lucky streak when his pig won two races in a row. Experts are calling this a Miracle produced by the god Spankers Wobbly. Others allege a widespreagd pig doping scandal.

When asked, Justin screamed, "Watch out!" and "Train!" and ran over several other children half his size. A large red man was seen wearing a 'Not MY kid...' Tee Shirt.

The pig, called Number 4, was tested and there was no trace of growth horone or steroids, but the child had been injected witha california speedball. Bolton State Fair Police wore uniforms and cried.

The proud father of Justin, wearing a multi-colored wig and flying a kite said, "This is the proudest moment of my label. I didn't even have a son until tomorrow. Is he a cheese yet? I'm so freaking hungry."

The mother of Justin was wonderful and nothing should be said about her. Ever.

The rest of the fair remained calm as Justin's pig tried to win the coveted Pifecta di Trio, but their silent astonishment was all for nothing, as a tragic lighting accident killed all of the race's umpires and the ribbon was given to Robert Redford for his lifetime of achievents.

The crowd exited to the chants of 'bullshit', but Justin seemed nonplussed. He'd found a fire hydrant and was looking for an angle to pee on it. The pig went on to make a great dinner for all involved.

The Long Overdue ESPN Rant

It happened to MTV in the early nineties. MTV stood for Music Television. Now, MTV is Drama Queen Television.

ESPN has decided that the SPORTS part of their broadcasting is not really important. Even Sportscenter, the 'flagship' show, which is supposed to be sports highlights is 50% fluff and human interest. The rest of the shows are almost purely personality driven bar room sports talk.

As a lover of sports, I watch to get AWAY from tear jerking human interest stories, political and legal scandals and above all BIASED ANALYSIS.

One of my favorite ESPN shows use to be NFL Sunday Countdown. They analyzed every game and gave you sports related facts and some speculation on what you could expect during the sporting event in question. Today, that changed. There was one full hour of analysis of, not a game... not a game... but videotaping a game. Not a game... videotaping a game.

Look, I understand that the story about the Patriots filiming a game from the sidelines (which is against NFL rules) is important, but ONE HOUR???? They barely mentioned that there were football games about to be played.

And when will Tom Jackson SHUT THE FUCK UP! Tom, you used to be an intelligent analyst. Now, you're just a puppet house boy playing yes massa to ABC. Grow a set of balls and analyze a game instead of spouting your SHINY NEW MICHAEL IRVING black attitude. Look, Keyshawn Johnson is as dark as they get and even HE thought you were going over the edge.

It's like some female executive at ABC decided to come on over to ESPN and put up curtains and rearrainge the furniture. ESPN is a girl's sports network now: all drama and cat fighting. Analyze a game you fucking puppets.

My suggestion? Fire everyone but Ron Jawarski, let him grow the mustache back and have him do 24 hours of film analysis. Men, rise up and boycott this menstrual swimming pool of sports called ESPN: the Estrogen Sports Network.

Murk

Angryman

No, not me. THE Angryman.

Fact: He's a Lawyer.

Fact: He's a writer of Fiction. He uses a pen name, but his stuff is creative, well written and just long enough to read while taking a two alarm dump.

Fact: He's an outspoken, opinionated freak of a blogger who WILL post you under the table. He posts regularly, but he's not one of those "Oh, listen to my boring life" bloggers.

Fact: He's got staying power and a fan base. Visit him, comment intelligently, and he will comment back and link you if he likes your blog.

Fact: He supports the desalinization of the Atlantic Ocean.

Angryman was brought to my attention by Joey Polanski. Joey is an aquired taste. By that I mean, you aquire his knowledge and taste his sack.

I have a lot of blog buddies and I no longer link them. That's just wrong on my part. But, I am Dr. Murk and I don't link anymore. I do plug. A plug says LOOK AT ME! A link says, eh... if you're bored, go here.

So, to my two buddies (who frequently plug me), right back at ya.

What is it, 4 years now? Jeez peepin' perverts that's a long time.

So, if you're not reading these blogs, you're gay. Not homosexual, gay as in third grade insult gay. Get un-gay and get some REAL blog action.

As for the rest of you that I work with and respect, fuck off. People know where to find you, you advertising whores. Well, except for the Angry Piper who posts once a quarter and doesn't care about me at all... boo fucking hoo.

But a few more Angryman facts. Out of all the bloggers who put 'anger' in their names, he's the angriest. Angry Veteran should be called the whiny Veteran, and Piper is more morose than angry.

Angry man has a wife and people love to guess if it's C. Rag. He also has a dog, but that might be his real wife (no offense to C. Rag, but Angryman does like his wee beasties). And doggie's name is probably Cash. Cash is a good doggie who wants to kill all the humans. I agree. I am willing to serve as his pet.

So, go visit these folks, say hi, link to them and watch your popularity soar. And, laugh your fucking tits off.

Murk

Follow this and Respond

If...

We have our nine sense
- touch
- taste
- smell
- sight
- hearing
- balance
- body awareness
- thermal
- pain

(pleasure being more of an opinion baseed on a combination of senses)

WHICH OF THESE SENSES DETECTS ENERGY? (i.e. th ability to do work).

We cannot see energy. Look at a ham sammich. It has energy. Tell me what that energy looks like.

YOU CANNOT SENSE THE ENTIRE FLOW OF ENERGY AND THEREFORE YOU SENSE NOTHING.

Go write a cute equation and bend energy to your will. Go on. Do it. Prove my point. The mind manipulates energy through ideas. These ideas become experiments, laws, inventions. Natural selection did not create the microwave oven. A MIND did.

Now, take your mind and think of a device you want. Find out how to make it work, test it, build it, it's there. Man creates.