Ug! John McCain picked a silly woman as his running mate. That is so dumb. Women are weak and confused. She'll only get everything all screwed up with her woman hormones and bleeding week. I didn't bother to read her name or whatever else about her, she's a woman, and therefor not qualified.
The only thing that makes sense is that maybe he wanted someone to clean the Oval Office. I bet she starts crying during a debate when Joe Biden asks her a tough question or calls her out on some idiot woman remark she makes.
I mean, seriously! Would you want a WOMAN running the country? Just read the blogs of some of the ugly women who comment on this and other of my posts. They're crazy! They sleep in bags of shit and shave their backs. No thanks.
So, John McCain, I hope this is a joke. I hope you're just doing this to play a prank on her cause she's a dumb girl. I hope you get some old white guy like Joe Biden, or an Oreo Cookie like Obama. I can just picture it now, this woman's first speech:
"Oh. I'm... I... I... Booo hooo hoo hooooooo. I'm a woman and I can't take care of myself and I need a man for sexual pleasure!"
Oh GOD!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Let Me Tell You Something About Hillary Clinton
You Democrats made a HUGE fucking mistake. Even I was impressed by her last night. Instead, you nominated a stuck up, paranoid, anti-American, bitter, childish, ego driven dickhead and let him put Joey Beans on the ticket. Obama is a liar, a con artist, a stuffed shirt, a puppet and a nobody.
Hillary would have wasted no time going after McCain. Obama spent months whining. You can see he's over his head and doesn't belong. Look, I understand what he represents and I know he's a change from Bush. Unfortunately, for most Americans he's not an acceptable change. Hillary would have been. Would have. Her cries for unity underscore why she is better than Barack Obama. He won and he still didn't want unity.
He and Clinton are almost identical in policy and ideology. He's an ass. She's not. She can work with people. He's a spoiled little brat. And he's not all that sharp, despite his Finishing School Education and his career wife.
Feel free to tow the party line and vote for him of you want, that way I'll get to make fun of you for doing it.
Hillary would have wasted no time going after McCain. Obama spent months whining. You can see he's over his head and doesn't belong. Look, I understand what he represents and I know he's a change from Bush. Unfortunately, for most Americans he's not an acceptable change. Hillary would have been. Would have. Her cries for unity underscore why she is better than Barack Obama. He won and he still didn't want unity.
He and Clinton are almost identical in policy and ideology. He's an ass. She's not. She can work with people. He's a spoiled little brat. And he's not all that sharp, despite his Finishing School Education and his career wife.
Feel free to tow the party line and vote for him of you want, that way I'll get to make fun of you for doing it.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
For the Kids
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Monday, August 25, 2008
Get the Disco Call Going (waddup DNC!)
The Democratic National Convention began like a wet fart moments ago, to empty seats and cat calls. The two biggest developments:
Wolf Blitzer rocking the Janet Jackson Headset Mic. Maybe this is for when Wolf, overcome by his liberal hormones, starts moonwalking to Fleetwood Mac. I mean, who are you??? Really, who IS Wolf Blitzer??? He's a tool, that's what he is. Jon Stewart is backing me on this. He called him a gerbil.
John McCain busted out Daddy Yankee at a photo op. Now that's ethnic. How does this relate to the DNC? Simple. It made CNN. If CNN is soooo bored with the DNC that they cut to this? THIS???
Oh, you pussies are going to eat caca cake for another 4 years! I love it.
Wolf Blitzer rocking the Janet Jackson Headset Mic. Maybe this is for when Wolf, overcome by his liberal hormones, starts moonwalking to Fleetwood Mac. I mean, who are you??? Really, who IS Wolf Blitzer??? He's a tool, that's what he is. Jon Stewart is backing me on this. He called him a gerbil.
John McCain busted out Daddy Yankee at a photo op. Now that's ethnic. How does this relate to the DNC? Simple. It made CNN. If CNN is soooo bored with the DNC that they cut to this? THIS???
Oh, you pussies are going to eat caca cake for another 4 years! I love it.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Joe Biden
So, I bet all of you want to know more about this week's savior, Joe Biden. You may think you know, but I have the real dirt. I checked his voting record, his driver's report and his delicious You Tube dance. So what sort of policy does Biden support? Let's take a look.
- Joe Biden does not support Global Warming. He thinks Global Warming is a bad idea and doesn't understand why we don't just ban Global Warming. He says Global Warming is causing crime rates to increase, and children to get hooked on 'fuzz', the new drug he thinks exists.
- Joe Biden is in favor of using cheap cologne to blind women.
- Joe Biden does not support child abuse, but says it's okay to give five firm spanks, followed by mockery.
- Joe Biden supports marriage for married people, or those who wish to get married, as long as someone else decides it's okay.
- Joe Biden likes Roe v. Wade, but would restore the original 'director's cut' which includes partial and full birth abortion along with forced infant suicide. But, he says he doesn't beieve in it personally, just for people who want that sort of thing in places where it's okay.
- Joe Biden's attitude towards other nations is as follows, "Everyone's okay. Just make sure we all follow the rules and then I won't have to decide anything.
- Joe Biden plans on instituting a seventy-five day work week, followed by time to bury the dead. This will fix and then destroy the economy for good.
- Joe Biden likes Riverdance, but would never admit that in places like Idaho.
- Joe Biden is in favor of higher taxes on the wealthy, to give more government money to the wealthy.
- Joe Biden likes good looking, articulate black men. They're okay. It's those 7/11 robbing blacks he doesn't care for.
- Joe Biden has lots of experience being bought off by special interest groups.
- Joe Biden would release all prisoners that 'seem nice enough'.
- Joe Biden is in favor of pandering to blue collar sentiments from his gigantic house which he built in a nature reserve, on top of a nest of endangered owls.
So, here's a little song I wrote for Joe Biden and his awesome fix it all super great future as the Vice President:
Joe, Joe, Joe Biden.
You take psyllicibin.
Your legs are long,
And your hair was once brown.
You're a wet dream for me.
JOE.
BIDEN!
- Joe Biden does not support Global Warming. He thinks Global Warming is a bad idea and doesn't understand why we don't just ban Global Warming. He says Global Warming is causing crime rates to increase, and children to get hooked on 'fuzz', the new drug he thinks exists.
- Joe Biden is in favor of using cheap cologne to blind women.
- Joe Biden does not support child abuse, but says it's okay to give five firm spanks, followed by mockery.
- Joe Biden supports marriage for married people, or those who wish to get married, as long as someone else decides it's okay.
- Joe Biden likes Roe v. Wade, but would restore the original 'director's cut' which includes partial and full birth abortion along with forced infant suicide. But, he says he doesn't beieve in it personally, just for people who want that sort of thing in places where it's okay.
- Joe Biden's attitude towards other nations is as follows, "Everyone's okay. Just make sure we all follow the rules and then I won't have to decide anything.
- Joe Biden plans on instituting a seventy-five day work week, followed by time to bury the dead. This will fix and then destroy the economy for good.
- Joe Biden likes Riverdance, but would never admit that in places like Idaho.
- Joe Biden is in favor of higher taxes on the wealthy, to give more government money to the wealthy.
- Joe Biden likes good looking, articulate black men. They're okay. It's those 7/11 robbing blacks he doesn't care for.
- Joe Biden has lots of experience being bought off by special interest groups.
- Joe Biden would release all prisoners that 'seem nice enough'.
- Joe Biden is in favor of pandering to blue collar sentiments from his gigantic house which he built in a nature reserve, on top of a nest of endangered owls.
So, here's a little song I wrote for Joe Biden and his awesome fix it all super great future as the Vice President:
Joe, Joe, Joe Biden.
You take psyllicibin.
Your legs are long,
And your hair was once brown.
You're a wet dream for me.
JOE.
BIDEN!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
You Can't Trust the Commies
Secretly, at night, I wished for the Cold War to come back. Please, Jesus, make the Russians evil again. I prayed for it. It's not as sick as you think. Wait. Yeah, it is.
1. I like the idea of global nuclear arsenals. I like the idea of not knowing who's going to pop off and use a nuke. Nuke nuke nuke. Nuke 'em! Taliban gining you shit? Nuke 'em. French being snotty? Nuke 'em. China getting a bit uppity? Nuke 'em. Or, at least have that valid threat.
2. I want to see reruns of War Games. Great movie. Does not stand the test of time though. Don't watch.
3. More secret aeroplanes. Sweet. Now we'll finally get that US flying saucer we've been craving.
4. Validate the Olympics. It sucks that we've been beating the Russians for like 20 years now and not getting a wiff of awesomeness because they're not a superpower anymore.
5. Second Sino-Russian War!!!! China and Friends versus Russian and... well, no one. Even the French hate the Russians. Take that Vladdy! Take your stupid basketball players back.
6. defending Poland is awesome.
7. New 21st century cold war strategy games. Jeez, I am so sick of playing 1991's hottest war titles.
But most of all, it just seems right. Sure, Russia is in the twilight of its career, but that doesn't mean it won't be fun to kick their Red Army Asses from here to Kuala Lampour and back. Beat the Russians! Beat Beat the Ru-shins!
Don't get all huffy about the suffering of the stupid babies and crap like that either. That's why I want to fight Russia, to stop tht shit, yo.
So, slap a flag on your ass, question Obama's patriotism, and get Jingo for the new war.
1. I like the idea of global nuclear arsenals. I like the idea of not knowing who's going to pop off and use a nuke. Nuke nuke nuke. Nuke 'em! Taliban gining you shit? Nuke 'em. French being snotty? Nuke 'em. China getting a bit uppity? Nuke 'em. Or, at least have that valid threat.
2. I want to see reruns of War Games. Great movie. Does not stand the test of time though. Don't watch.
3. More secret aeroplanes. Sweet. Now we'll finally get that US flying saucer we've been craving.
4. Validate the Olympics. It sucks that we've been beating the Russians for like 20 years now and not getting a wiff of awesomeness because they're not a superpower anymore.
5. Second Sino-Russian War!!!! China and Friends versus Russian and... well, no one. Even the French hate the Russians. Take that Vladdy! Take your stupid basketball players back.
6. defending Poland is awesome.
7. New 21st century cold war strategy games. Jeez, I am so sick of playing 1991's hottest war titles.
But most of all, it just seems right. Sure, Russia is in the twilight of its career, but that doesn't mean it won't be fun to kick their Red Army Asses from here to Kuala Lampour and back. Beat the Russians! Beat Beat the Ru-shins!
Don't get all huffy about the suffering of the stupid babies and crap like that either. That's why I want to fight Russia, to stop tht shit, yo.
So, slap a flag on your ass, question Obama's patriotism, and get Jingo for the new war.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Piss In Public Restrooms
It's that time of year again for the American/Armenian Piss In Public Restrooms drive. This is the week in which we encourage all people from America AND Armenia to piss in the public restrooms, and not on the streets, in other people's yards, or from roof tops.
As Americans, it's our job to show the rest of the world that we can do it. Yes we can. So, pee in the can, the publican, the lue, the wc, pee where you oughta, not on monuments or bridges or Subway Sandwich Restaurants.
Do NOT pee at the counter at CVS. Do not pee on some guy's mop at McDonalds. Do not pee in the food at your next office function. Pee where it counts, in a Public Lav, you shit.
So, all week long, please drain the weasel (or shake the dew off your fern, if you're a girly) INSIDE the public restrooms.
Next year we'll work on actually getting it in the toilet.
As Americans, it's our job to show the rest of the world that we can do it. Yes we can. So, pee in the can, the publican, the lue, the wc, pee where you oughta, not on monuments or bridges or Subway Sandwich Restaurants.
Do NOT pee at the counter at CVS. Do not pee on some guy's mop at McDonalds. Do not pee in the food at your next office function. Pee where it counts, in a Public Lav, you shit.
So, all week long, please drain the weasel (or shake the dew off your fern, if you're a girly) INSIDE the public restrooms.
Next year we'll work on actually getting it in the toilet.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Reader Response
Recently, I did an interview with a Barack Obama lackey from CNN. My readers had some very strong opinions.
"No way, dude. Like, Barack is peace and love and John Bush McCain is war. He's a war veteran. War sucks and so do mean people. Barack is so inspiring and cool. I wish he was my dad so pot would be legal."
"Sen. Obama has been treated unfairly by the media because he is black. John McCain gets all the good press. They make fun of Obama constantly. Those Jewish shiesters want a pound of flesh from him. Down with the New Jeruselem! Up with Obababad!"
"John McCain won't support my lucrative abortion clinic."
"This whole election thingy is stupid. I'm tired of watching stuff about politics. Just get Bush out. That's all I care about. Ellect the freaking Ayatollah for all I care. Anyone is better than stupid Bush."
"John McCain? More of the same! Boo! McCain is so stupid. He's a womanizer and a drunk. Obama is practically a Blessed Angel Being, or maybe a non-denominational stalwart of non-ethics-based caring and love."
"I would never vote for John McCain because of my criminal record and lack of citizenship."
"Mr. Senator Sir Obama, PhD, is a kick ass candidate. He understands people and donates his whole paycheck to fight the causes I support. He is the first non corrupt politician ever, since Bill Clinton. He's black. I've got a good feeling about that."
"No way, dude. Like, Barack is peace and love and John Bush McCain is war. He's a war veteran. War sucks and so do mean people. Barack is so inspiring and cool. I wish he was my dad so pot would be legal."
"Sen. Obama has been treated unfairly by the media because he is black. John McCain gets all the good press. They make fun of Obama constantly. Those Jewish shiesters want a pound of flesh from him. Down with the New Jeruselem! Up with Obababad!"
"John McCain won't support my lucrative abortion clinic."
"This whole election thingy is stupid. I'm tired of watching stuff about politics. Just get Bush out. That's all I care about. Ellect the freaking Ayatollah for all I care. Anyone is better than stupid Bush."
"John McCain? More of the same! Boo! McCain is so stupid. He's a womanizer and a drunk. Obama is practically a Blessed Angel Being, or maybe a non-denominational stalwart of non-ethics-based caring and love."
"I would never vote for John McCain because of my criminal record and lack of citizenship."
"Mr. Senator Sir Obama, PhD, is a kick ass candidate. He understands people and donates his whole paycheck to fight the causes I support. He is the first non corrupt politician ever, since Bill Clinton. He's black. I've got a good feeling about that."
McCain the Pain`
Recently, when asked what he thought about Barack Obama, John McCain said the following:
"It is obvious that Sen. Obama is functioning at a 2 and 1/2 year old level which is an IQ equivilant of about 38 (on the high end.)
Perhaps a well rounded program with some ABA, positive reinforcement, medications, a behavior management plan and several beatings daily with a baseball bat will help.
Never blame the child. There is no such thing as a bad child, only bad behaviors. (And DNA.) All can be gteatly improved with early intestive intervention. He may even be able to get a job in a sheltered workship if we act quickly enough. If not we can just put him down like a dog. (He won’t feel anything, I promise.)
He just acts smart.(ass) I am smart."
Maybe all of you liberals are right. He sounds as dumb as George Bush.
"It is obvious that Sen. Obama is functioning at a 2 and 1/2 year old level which is an IQ equivilant of about 38 (on the high end.)
Perhaps a well rounded program with some ABA, positive reinforcement, medications, a behavior management plan and several beatings daily with a baseball bat will help.
Never blame the child. There is no such thing as a bad child, only bad behaviors. (And DNA.) All can be gteatly improved with early intestive intervention. He may even be able to get a job in a sheltered workship if we act quickly enough. If not we can just put him down like a dog. (He won’t feel anything, I promise.)
He just acts smart.(ass) I am smart."
Maybe all of you liberals are right. He sounds as dumb as George Bush.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Top Three Olympic Moments of 2008
#3. The United States versus China in Basketball. After making some microwave popcorn and a nice cool drink, I settled in with this event. I slept for about 2/3s of the entire game. The other time I spent eating and taking a dump.
#2. Men's Cycling. Over 150 miles of bike riding fun. I read one of those Harry Dresden books from cover to cover. It wasn't that good, but I did have a nice half our snooze. Plus, cocktail shrimp fried in butter and garlic. Major gas!
#1. Michael Phelps. I made a promise that for every gold Phelps won, I would donate an hour of my time to playing City of Heroes on the computer. Let's just say that it's all about charity. While I slept through most of Phelps' victories, it was the sleep of the vicorious American.
This is the glory of the Olympic Games. All day naps with sportslike background noise, snacks and self righteous posturing over games that most of us don't even consider real sports. The pagentry! The... the... other countries. The IOC! Women's Beach Volleyball.
#2. Men's Cycling. Over 150 miles of bike riding fun. I read one of those Harry Dresden books from cover to cover. It wasn't that good, but I did have a nice half our snooze. Plus, cocktail shrimp fried in butter and garlic. Major gas!
#1. Michael Phelps. I made a promise that for every gold Phelps won, I would donate an hour of my time to playing City of Heroes on the computer. Let's just say that it's all about charity. While I slept through most of Phelps' victories, it was the sleep of the vicorious American.
This is the glory of the Olympic Games. All day naps with sportslike background noise, snacks and self righteous posturing over games that most of us don't even consider real sports. The pagentry! The... the... other countries. The IOC! Women's Beach Volleyball.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Spain
You have to give the Spanish Basketball Team a pass on that 'Asian Eye' picture thingy. Mrs. Dr. Murk is Asian, so I should be offended. But I'm not. They're Spaniards! What did you expect?
A Spanish guy walks into a bar carrying a piece of shit in his hand. The bartender is disgusted. The Spaniard says, "I know! I almost stepped in it!"
This Spanish guy goes to a whore house with five bucks and asks for the special. The madame leads him to a dark room. He emerges 15 minutes later. Another patron asks him how it went. "Well," he said, "She put whipped cream and a cherry on my dong. Then she started to eat it off!" "How was it?" the other man asked. "Tasted the same as it always does, I guess."
How many babies does a Spaniard have? Depends on how quick Interpol catches him.
How do you make a Spanish guy smile? Pay him for the blow job.
How come Spanish guys don't ride unicycles? They spend all their time raping old ladies.
How many Spaniards does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Depends on how deep you want it.
Why don't Spaniards take baths? Because they're fucking monkeys!
Where's the best place to find a Spanish watch? Up a goat's ass.
A Spanish guy walks into a bar carrying a piece of shit in his hand. The bartender is disgusted. The Spaniard says, "I know! I almost stepped in it!"
This Spanish guy goes to a whore house with five bucks and asks for the special. The madame leads him to a dark room. He emerges 15 minutes later. Another patron asks him how it went. "Well," he said, "She put whipped cream and a cherry on my dong. Then she started to eat it off!" "How was it?" the other man asked. "Tasted the same as it always does, I guess."
How many babies does a Spaniard have? Depends on how quick Interpol catches him.
How do you make a Spanish guy smile? Pay him for the blow job.
How come Spanish guys don't ride unicycles? They spend all their time raping old ladies.
How many Spaniards does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Depends on how deep you want it.
Why don't Spaniards take baths? Because they're fucking monkeys!
Where's the best place to find a Spanish watch? Up a goat's ass.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
Carbon Dreadlow
By now, you all know my fascination with director Carbon Dreadlow, especially his Phenomena series. True to form, here is the latest:
Saturday, August 9, 2008
A Nostalgic Orange
In the 1980s, a shopping mall was a dark place. No, these malls weren't the soaring glass wonders of today, merely a collection of stores in one place connected by giant tunnel hallways. In the center of these majestic aisles of capitalism stood the kiosk. Places like Earing Hut, Magic Cookie, T-Shirt Heaven and The Hat Rack.
But the best kiosk of all was the mighty Orange Julius. Take one blender, a quart of orange juice, a cup of half and half, ice and a half a cup of sugar. Turn on blender. Drink. Ha ha. Ha ha. It's a frost creamsicle in a cup! Genius! Plus, hot dogs if you want them.
The Orange Julius is steeped in mystery. Something happens to the contents when mixed that makes the whole greater than the sum of the parts. This is something which I've poured a ton of money into, attempting to crack the secrets of the dairy/citrus coallation and the sugar ratio. I have yet to crack the code, but I've come close. The benefit has been some of the incidental discoveries along the way.
Some Orange Julius research facts:
- Jesus did not drink wine at the last supper. He requested an Orange Julius. Unfortunately, there were no Orange Julius stands at the time and they made him a fig/goatmilk concoction, after wich he turned to Judas and said "Quickly. Do what you must do." The dissapointment was too great.
- O.J. Simpson, burdened by carrying the monicker of the divine nectar, killed his wife.
- It is not the 'orange', but the 'julius' that provides the ram in the battery of the drink.
- Milk cannot be combined with most beverages.
- People with few or no teeth can drink an Orange Julius.
- Sugar is necessary. Splenda is SATAN!
- General George Patton conquored in the name of Orange Julius before he was ordered to cut it out and win the damn war, which he refused to do until he was guaranteed a lifetime supply of Orange Julius. He died shortly thereafter. God cannot love a man with unlimited Orange Julius. See you in hell, Goerge.
- The first cure for Siamese Twins was to have an Orange Julius and deal with it.
- It is proper and preferred to use a straw when drinking an Orange Julius. The leavings of, ice, diluted sugar, cream and orange juice, reffered to a 'schlag', is better than any drink in the world except for a fresh Orange Julius.
- The French 'Jiolios Orange' failed due to stupidity, not the drink.
- Hamlet's last line was originally, "Alack, I am removed of my Orange Julius!" is frequently ommited due to time constraints. This is largely considered Shakespear's greatest failing, sometime corrected by dropping Hamlet's queer soliloquies.
- Orange Julius won the WBA Heavyweight Championship in 1983, but was later stripped of the title due to blatant over-awesomeness.
To learn more about Orange Julius, go fuck yourself.
But the best kiosk of all was the mighty Orange Julius. Take one blender, a quart of orange juice, a cup of half and half, ice and a half a cup of sugar. Turn on blender. Drink. Ha ha. Ha ha. It's a frost creamsicle in a cup! Genius! Plus, hot dogs if you want them.
The Orange Julius is steeped in mystery. Something happens to the contents when mixed that makes the whole greater than the sum of the parts. This is something which I've poured a ton of money into, attempting to crack the secrets of the dairy/citrus coallation and the sugar ratio. I have yet to crack the code, but I've come close. The benefit has been some of the incidental discoveries along the way.
Some Orange Julius research facts:
- Jesus did not drink wine at the last supper. He requested an Orange Julius. Unfortunately, there were no Orange Julius stands at the time and they made him a fig/goatmilk concoction, after wich he turned to Judas and said "Quickly. Do what you must do." The dissapointment was too great.
- O.J. Simpson, burdened by carrying the monicker of the divine nectar, killed his wife.
- It is not the 'orange', but the 'julius' that provides the ram in the battery of the drink.
- Milk cannot be combined with most beverages.
- People with few or no teeth can drink an Orange Julius.
- Sugar is necessary. Splenda is SATAN!
- General George Patton conquored in the name of Orange Julius before he was ordered to cut it out and win the damn war, which he refused to do until he was guaranteed a lifetime supply of Orange Julius. He died shortly thereafter. God cannot love a man with unlimited Orange Julius. See you in hell, Goerge.
- The first cure for Siamese Twins was to have an Orange Julius and deal with it.
- It is proper and preferred to use a straw when drinking an Orange Julius. The leavings of, ice, diluted sugar, cream and orange juice, reffered to a 'schlag', is better than any drink in the world except for a fresh Orange Julius.
- The French 'Jiolios Orange' failed due to stupidity, not the drink.
- Hamlet's last line was originally, "Alack, I am removed of my Orange Julius!" is frequently ommited due to time constraints. This is largely considered Shakespear's greatest failing, sometime corrected by dropping Hamlet's queer soliloquies.
- Orange Julius won the WBA Heavyweight Championship in 1983, but was later stripped of the title due to blatant over-awesomeness.
To learn more about Orange Julius, go fuck yourself.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Barackity Brak
I recently had an opportunity to interview Jerry Pocket of CNN (The Barack Network) about the polling information on his show.
Murk: Hi Jerry.
Jerry: HA!
Murk: So, you have quite a bit of polling information on your network.
Jerry: Yes. If you look at the numbers, as of last week, we have Barack Obama in the lead by at least double digits.
Murk: Uh. Leading what?
Jerry: Everything.
Murk: Everything?
Jerry: That's right. Except in situations where leading is bad. Example, four out of five Americans say John McCain is leading in the age department.
Murk: Well, he is. So 1 out of five thinks Barack is older?
Jerry: That's according to the data. It's more likely that the 1 in 5 represents a small majority who become dumbfounded when they hear how awesome Barack Obama is. Everyone is doing it.
Murk: So you have Obama leading in every poll that favors him?
Jerry: Except the ones that don't, like in the Idiot States. Montana, Alabama, and a few others. But people in those states wanna vote for Jesus and marry their sisters! I mean... eheh hehe, how reliable are they?
Murk: So, because they are stupid, we should ignore their vote?
Jerry: 5 out of 5 Americans agree with that.
Murk: You mean all of them?
Jerry: Technically, yes.
Murk: How large was your sample for these polls?
Jerry: Oh. Huge. Massive. Everyone.
Murk: You can't poll everyone.
Jerry: We don't have to. It was obvious real quick that Obama Barack is now president. 105% of Americans know for certain that Barack Obamaq will tuck them in at night, via live broadcast. The numbers are over the top, but absolutely true.
Murk: Surely there has to be some dissention...
Jerry: Oh, like the Klan? Or that redneck who votes for Jesus and thinks he's Hitler?
Murk: I was thinking Republicans.
Jerry: Right. ZING! You've got a point. Republicans like war because innocent people die. They hate the innocent. Pol Pot. Republican. Mitt Romney. Judas. Baby killers.
Murk: I'm a bit concerned that your polling might be biased.
Jerry: Not according to our polls. It's easy to see that people rely on CNN for their truth news true true polls about Barack O'Awesome for President, no Dick Cheney McCainey! Ha ha. True.
Murk: Could you explain the demographics of your polls?
Jerry: Well, we set up a hotline. It's advertised on all of Obama's sites. Call in and vote early. You can vote like fifty million times. Besides, the Bush Administration sucks! ROCK THE VOTE LITTLE PEOPLE!!!!
Murk: Didn't you guys have Howard Dean ahead last time?
Jerry: Living in the past! Wake up. It's a Barack Obama kinda day! WE WIN!!!!
Murk: In one of the questions, you ask who would do a better job managing the economy...
Jerry: Obama.
Murk: You also ask who got an 'A' on his third grade spelling final.
Jerry: Obama.
Murk: And what's this one about who would win in a dog sled race.
Jerry: Obama.
Murk: You're pandering.
Jerry: Obama.
Murk: Now you sound like Malach.
Jerry: Obama.
Unfortunately, at this point the interview was concluded in order to show a heartfelt victory montage for Barack Obama.
Murk: Hi Jerry.
Jerry: HA!
Murk: So, you have quite a bit of polling information on your network.
Jerry: Yes. If you look at the numbers, as of last week, we have Barack Obama in the lead by at least double digits.
Murk: Uh. Leading what?
Jerry: Everything.
Murk: Everything?
Jerry: That's right. Except in situations where leading is bad. Example, four out of five Americans say John McCain is leading in the age department.
Murk: Well, he is. So 1 out of five thinks Barack is older?
Jerry: That's according to the data. It's more likely that the 1 in 5 represents a small majority who become dumbfounded when they hear how awesome Barack Obama is. Everyone is doing it.
Murk: So you have Obama leading in every poll that favors him?
Jerry: Except the ones that don't, like in the Idiot States. Montana, Alabama, and a few others. But people in those states wanna vote for Jesus and marry their sisters! I mean... eheh hehe, how reliable are they?
Murk: So, because they are stupid, we should ignore their vote?
Jerry: 5 out of 5 Americans agree with that.
Murk: You mean all of them?
Jerry: Technically, yes.
Murk: How large was your sample for these polls?
Jerry: Oh. Huge. Massive. Everyone.
Murk: You can't poll everyone.
Jerry: We don't have to. It was obvious real quick that Obama Barack is now president. 105% of Americans know for certain that Barack Obamaq will tuck them in at night, via live broadcast. The numbers are over the top, but absolutely true.
Murk: Surely there has to be some dissention...
Jerry: Oh, like the Klan? Or that redneck who votes for Jesus and thinks he's Hitler?
Murk: I was thinking Republicans.
Jerry: Right. ZING! You've got a point. Republicans like war because innocent people die. They hate the innocent. Pol Pot. Republican. Mitt Romney. Judas. Baby killers.
Murk: I'm a bit concerned that your polling might be biased.
Jerry: Not according to our polls. It's easy to see that people rely on CNN for their truth news true true polls about Barack O'Awesome for President, no Dick Cheney McCainey! Ha ha. True.
Murk: Could you explain the demographics of your polls?
Jerry: Well, we set up a hotline. It's advertised on all of Obama's sites. Call in and vote early. You can vote like fifty million times. Besides, the Bush Administration sucks! ROCK THE VOTE LITTLE PEOPLE!!!!
Murk: Didn't you guys have Howard Dean ahead last time?
Jerry: Living in the past! Wake up. It's a Barack Obama kinda day! WE WIN!!!!
Murk: In one of the questions, you ask who would do a better job managing the economy...
Jerry: Obama.
Murk: You also ask who got an 'A' on his third grade spelling final.
Jerry: Obama.
Murk: And what's this one about who would win in a dog sled race.
Jerry: Obama.
Murk: You're pandering.
Jerry: Obama.
Murk: Now you sound like Malach.
Jerry: Obama.
Unfortunately, at this point the interview was concluded in order to show a heartfelt victory montage for Barack Obama.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Reviews
I asked some of my celebrity buddies to review my site. Here are the results:
"Dr. Murk is okay."
- Jon Lithgow
"I love this blog! Who wrote it?"
- Meg Ryan
"Better than coke and ludes."
- Robert Downey, Jr.
"I'm just glad my son is not gay."
- Robert Downey, Sr.
"It's an affront to censorship, morals and public decency."
- Roman Polanski
"When do I get to bark like a dog?"
- Jane Seymore
"He told me my face looked like an old brown vynil couch."
- Robert Redford
"Magical family fun."
- Charles Manson
"His poop tastes like chilli."
- Wynona Ryder
"I take him black with one sugar."
-Sean Connery
"Gggggllllleee"
-Chris Farley
"I'll never understand how one white boy can ruin so much progress. Can someone rub out my thigh cramp?"
- Oprah Winfrey
"I was in some cool movies."
- John Cusack
"Four score and seven years ago, Murk Rocks!"
- Abraham Lincoln
"Down. And to the left."
-Kevin Costner
"Every so often a man comes along and pisses on your shit and calls it baby. Dr. Murk is that man."
- Lindsay Lohan
"I seen his beans. NARSTY!"
- Elijah Wood
"This blog is so good, I'll never read anything else."
- Stevie Wonder
"Dr. Murk is okay."
- Jon Lithgow
"I love this blog! Who wrote it?"
- Meg Ryan
"Better than coke and ludes."
- Robert Downey, Jr.
"I'm just glad my son is not gay."
- Robert Downey, Sr.
"It's an affront to censorship, morals and public decency."
- Roman Polanski
"When do I get to bark like a dog?"
- Jane Seymore
"He told me my face looked like an old brown vynil couch."
- Robert Redford
"Magical family fun."
- Charles Manson
"His poop tastes like chilli."
- Wynona Ryder
"I take him black with one sugar."
-Sean Connery
"Gggggllllleee"
-Chris Farley
"I'll never understand how one white boy can ruin so much progress. Can someone rub out my thigh cramp?"
- Oprah Winfrey
"I was in some cool movies."
- John Cusack
"Four score and seven years ago, Murk Rocks!"
- Abraham Lincoln
"Down. And to the left."
-Kevin Costner
"Every so often a man comes along and pisses on your shit and calls it baby. Dr. Murk is that man."
- Lindsay Lohan
"I seen his beans. NARSTY!"
- Elijah Wood
"This blog is so good, I'll never read anything else."
- Stevie Wonder
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Friday, August 1, 2008
Hydrogen Power
Hydrogen is the most basic element in the universe. Hydrogen is the base element for energy transfer. It is the most abundant element in the universe.
Hydrogen is clean. Stars use Hydrogen produce energy.
Hydrogen is available outside of our planet in the Interstellar Medium.
Hydrogen can be fused, making Helium and releasing energy.
Hydrogen can be used as a propellant, and/or be ignited as a fuel.
Hydrogen is lighter than Oxygen and Nitrogen, the most abundant elements in Earth’s atmosphere. Hydrogen filled balloons can pull heavy objects into space. Space is filled with Hydrogen.
Natural or Universal Forces such as wind, tidal, solar, geothermal, and gravitational forces can generate motion which, in turn, can be used to isolate Hydrogen using the electromagnetic properties of metals and fluids. The Hydrogen, in turn, can be used as an accelerant, or even a combustible fuel, producing water and oxygen as a byproduct.
Also, Hydrogen is a useful element. Space travel will give us access to Hydrogen in its pure form. Once access to the massive, universal supply of Hydrogen in the interstellar medium is established, we will be free of energy constraints.
Hydrogen is clean. Stars use Hydrogen produce energy.
Hydrogen is available outside of our planet in the Interstellar Medium.
Hydrogen can be fused, making Helium and releasing energy.
Hydrogen can be used as a propellant, and/or be ignited as a fuel.
Hydrogen is lighter than Oxygen and Nitrogen, the most abundant elements in Earth’s atmosphere. Hydrogen filled balloons can pull heavy objects into space. Space is filled with Hydrogen.
Natural or Universal Forces such as wind, tidal, solar, geothermal, and gravitational forces can generate motion which, in turn, can be used to isolate Hydrogen using the electromagnetic properties of metals and fluids. The Hydrogen, in turn, can be used as an accelerant, or even a combustible fuel, producing water and oxygen as a byproduct.
Also, Hydrogen is a useful element. Space travel will give us access to Hydrogen in its pure form. Once access to the massive, universal supply of Hydrogen in the interstellar medium is established, we will be free of energy constraints.
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