Mr. President, Remove Our Troops

Dear Dr. Barack Obama, President of these United States of America,

Please remove all of our troops from foriegn soil and return them immediately to America. This will do 100 things:

1. Stop deaths in our Military completely.
2. Protect our country from invaders.
3. Provide much needed support for our slacker work force.
4. Save us money on overseas postage.
5. Allow our soldiers to die defending their homes with their wives and kids.
6. Create additional jobs at all media outlets to provide 24 hour support for coverage of how awesome you are.
7. Provide us with people to spit on in thanks for their efforts.
8. Bring gas down to 50 cents a gallon.
9. Save the environment from Cobra.
10. Give an excuse for a parade with you as Santa Claus.
11. Make former president idiot look like an idiot.
12. Allow us to mention that you're black another three thousand times.
13. Allow us to show you shaking hands with black soldiers, who are black like you are.
14. Bring up that whole slavery and civil rights thing and how this is like how white people say their sorry.
15. Make you look even more handsome!
16. Give you an excuse to smoke again. Whew!
17. Relieve the choked pipeline of china white so we can all tap a vein.
18. Give women hope that women can one day bring all the troops home. Sorry Hillary!
19. Give all Asians hope that in 200 years, white people will apologise to them by electing a Hawaian president.
20. Give us the firepower to start a war somewhere in Africa.
21. Make you even smarter than ever.
22. Make camoflage cool again.
23. Let Iraq detroy itself for once, again.
24. Give the Gitmo Victims a place to go home to.
25. Put big, shiny ships in harbors.
26. Increase Bud Lite sales by 2 million bottles an hour.
27. Lower the national IQ and make you EVEN MORE smarter by comparison.
28. Protect the cocaine!!!
29. Allow us to march about, pretending to be soldiers without looking evil.
30. Make everyone happy.
31. Make the rest of the world negotiate for food and protection again.
32. Razz of the fookin Brits!
33. Allow you to make another seriously weird speech in that unrecognizable accent you have.
35. Let us sleep safe at night... with SOLDIERS!
36. End the dumb army commecials.
37. Get old ladies to say, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmm!
38. Have a built in excuse when we get attacked again.
39. Fly your private jet.


OBAMA! Let us pray:

Dear Holy and Just Obama, bring us to a more perfect understanding of how you are so amazing and how we can suck up to you no matter how things go. May we look to you for hope when things go wrong, praise you when things go right, and listen to you when you tell us whether things are going wrong or right. May we have the faith in you to follow your wisdom even when we don't understand or accept what you say. Bring all of this to pass, with the help of your wife, Michelle, the little Angels, Pasha and Boo-Shamika, and through your own good looks and smile, in your name, Barack Hussein, say it again, Obama Amena Sig Hiel!