It is Easter Sunday.
And so I am reminded of weddings. The best wedding I've ever been to was my brother Malach's. The second best was Conan the Barbarian's.
Conan wore the skins of the Conqueror, his finest attire. The bride, dragged down the aisle in golden chains and a barely covering loincloth, screamed in delight. The cleric was the wild mage Chupa, who sung songs to Crom and made the cake explode. The crowd jeered until Conan spoke.
"Shut up, worms!" he shouted. The rowdy band of theives and brigands hushed to hear the lovely vows, prepared by Conan himself.
"Me, Conan," Conan said, "Take you, Slavegirl." She wimpered her agreement.
Then, Conan was attacked by the Evil Queen Hecca and the flesh devouring spirits she commanded. He fought bravely, but sadly, slavegirl was eaten.
"SLAVEGIRL!!!!" Conan screamed, but she was gone. Never to return to him except in one brief moment when she would cryptically ask "Do you want to live forever?"
To which Conan replied, "I do."
Amazing wedding. Can't wait until the sequel.
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9 comments:
How much medication did you take today?
Wow, Conan's Wedding sounded better than mine.
I officiated that wedding. It was a tough day for all of us.
How much does it cost to marry a slave girl?
The wedding I went to was the one that I jumped on the buffet table & eat everything then I took a dump on the wedding cake. So it looked like the little groom on the cake was eating my poo.
LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!
I want to be named after Conan.
That actually sounds a lot like my cousin's wedding. Was Conan married in Rockport, too?
How do I get an invite to Conan's next wedding? It sounds like something I would enjoy.
Do you need a special permit to own a slave girl?
TV
a-fuckin-mazing. who wouldnt want to live forever?
oh hey, that reminds me, if highlander got bitten by a vampire, would that make him live for extra extra long or would it take away his imortality in kind of a two-negatives-equal-a-positive type of thing?
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