No Problem

Hey, guess what? I made it one whole year without having a single alcoholic drink. As of September 29th, it was one year. Some people are still confused as to why I dried out.

First, I have mood disorders. Depression, mania and anxiety. Alcohol is great to cover these while you're drinking, but makes them worse during the hangover phase.

I was drinking about a liter of brandy (or twelve to sixteen beers) four nights a week. Just not healthy. Plus, I was drinking alone and just to get drunk. I hate to sound like a pamphlet on alcoholism, but if you drink alone, it's a problem. Think about it. It's like celebrating your birthday by yourself or giving a victory speech to no one. It makes no sense other than the fact that your self medicating due to stress and that's bad.

I've seen the end of the alcoholism movie several times. There's three possible outcomes. Hospital and rehab, death or homelessness followed by death. They say I hit a high bottom. Don't get any sexy ideas here. It just means that I never went rock bottom, I went far enough to see the edge of the cliff and know that rock bottom was inevitable if I didn't stop within the next year.

So, what's it like? It's great. I lost 30 pounds in 1 year, I got my sanity back (with a little help from therapy, family, friends and ZOLOFT), and NO MORE HANGOVERS!!!!! Let's put it this way, after age thirty, hangovers last two to four days. If you binge for four straight days, the hangover can last a month, at least the fatigue and depression part.

Do I miss drinking? Actually, no. I miss certain smells and tastes. I was always happiest after the third or fourth drink. Problem is, I couldn't stop. I miss the first shot of brandy with a chaser of coke (soda). I kiss high hopped beers that knock ou on your ass after drinking four (and remember that my tolerance was off the charts high). Other than that, my dream for the past five years was to quit drinking. I was in a chemical prison and no, I don't intend to go back.

The thing I'm most proud of is I can keep my mouth shut when other people get drunk around me. I'm not the one to stop harmful addictions, they are. I'll even have fun with a drunk person.

What's the worst thing? Having to watch everyone else sufer through my personality changes. I hate being a bother, and some people get damn freaked out by the new me. That hurts, especially if I'm very close to them. I try to explain that it's better a new and slightly different me than a dead me.

Anyways, I hadn't done a sobriety update in a while, so for any concerned, I'm doing very well and compared to last year at this time, I am in a much better place in all facets of my life.

Lastly, feel free to slap the abusive comments up on how I quit, and your mamma didn't raise no quitters, or call me a pussy dry wimpo-faggini. I'll respond kindly enough with some simple facts.

Enjoy life, people. Might as well. We're stuck here anyways!

Murk.