The Heart of My Identity

I've had a few requests for an insight into my mind and specifically my identity. In other words, who is Dr. Murk and why is he your identity?

As many of you well know, I flirt with a few online alternate identities, but Murk is my bread and butter. Dr. Robert J. Murk started as an email identity I used to make my friend Jesse laugh. It was Bob Merc. He was a sarcastic, semi-mentally ill drunk.

So, after one failed blog with Spacefarmer, called the Mission (I call it a failure because it didn't really take off. It was more of an experiment than a failure), I decided to make Bob Merc real. But, you can't just have an Identity with no background. I gave myself a PhD (because he's Paid His Dues) and changed the last name to Murk to imply vague, obtuse and opaque.

He was kind of a takeoff on Dr. Phil, but filthy and really caustic. He was a closet arsonist and frequently advocated burning things to solve problems. His life stories were obvious hyperbolic (not hyperbarric) and his palatial estate is a bit of a stretch, but not too much.

Okay, that being said, is Murk a fair representation of the real me? Yes. Murk is my manic, sarcastic, annoyed and judgemental side. He's not a complete picture, but he's a lot of what's in my head while I'm smiling and being polite at work, parties, picnics, natural disasters, etc.

For a time I actually tried on Dr. Murk in real life, with pretty disasterous results.

So, what's true about Murk? Recovering alcoholic, on meds for brain issues, weird as hell, did tons of drugs in college and even into his first career. He worked in finance. His current job is not my current job. When he 'died' for a while, I was pretty dead inside from fatigue, frustration and mental health issues. Malach really is his brother, The Piper is really his good old buddy for 20 years, Spacefarmer/ Cap'n Flak is his business partner and great friend/adopted brother.

So, where does this dark, murky personality stem from? Some is my father's sense of humor, some is my mother's quirky fun side and her no nonsense business side. A lot comes from being the low man in the popular crowd most of my life. People always assumed because I ran with that crowd, I was their equal. No. I was their literal and figurative punching bag for many years. Then, I ditched them senior year of high school in favor of complete random chaotic social life, a life with everybody, I call it. All people can play, even my hated enemies. Everyone is a special part.

BUT, the majority of Murk comes from my deep exploration of the human mind and manipulation of my own mind and others through words, most specifically shock and goading. My friends and associates had a rough go of it, and yeah, it was a passive aggressive way of getting my frustration out, but it was weird. I got good at pissing people off without trying too hard. And I liked it.

After Murk's death, he mellowed and has become kind of a sick mentor and macro-manager of the Third Option Empire (along with Malach and Spacefarmer, of course). Why? I quit drinking, got on meds and actually like all of the people who come and play with me online. I love the give and take and still dish out the occasional punishment, but I've softened the real sting a bit.

I wrote an article on this a while back about how everyone has a Murk in them. Mine just happened to be very close to the surface and needed to come out.

So, what do I do with this guy? Suggestions?

Bear in mind, I use alt identities to semi-cover my ass in case the wrong person stumbles upon one of my blogs or web sites. Reasonable doubt and plausible deniability.

What's next? Give me some ideas people.

Murk.