Colonel Colonel, the Mad Bookseller, for Bestest, Most Funniest Post About Irish Personal Ads. Ooohhhhhhhhhhh, GREAT JOB!!!!!!
In a related story, The Angry Piper wins the Murko for Laziest Tale of a Trip to Ireland for his Irish Holiday posts. Booooo! Slap, STING!
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Friday, October 26, 2007
The First Murko Goes To...
The Murko for 'Best Fiction Series' goes to The Angry Piper for Tales of the WoW.
A SHOCKING upset in this category, as the frontrunner, Christopher Morris with his Meet the Heroes series is slighted by the Murk Academy. Yes, yes, I know the posted version I linked to is not a blog, but all of these stories are available and posted on the Wand of Wonder blog under the category Tales of the WoW.
In a related twist of fate, the Academy selected Angryman over The Angry Piper to receive the award for 'Angriest Motherfucker. Congrats to Angryman.
We'll be right back after these commercial messages.
A SHOCKING upset in this category, as the frontrunner, Christopher Morris with his Meet the Heroes series is slighted by the Murk Academy. Yes, yes, I know the posted version I linked to is not a blog, but all of these stories are available and posted on the Wand of Wonder blog under the category Tales of the WoW.
In a related twist of fate, the Academy selected Angryman over The Angry Piper to receive the award for 'Angriest Motherfucker. Congrats to Angryman.
We'll be right back after these commercial messages.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Who Wants To Be a Murderer?
Catchy title!
Unfortunately, the actual content of this article is not quite as sensational. I just felt like writing tonight. I don't even know what I feel like writing about yet. Hmmmmmm.
Oh! I got something.
I am going to start my own annual blog awards. They will be called Murkoes. I hope to have the first Murkoes Awards Blog Post by November, so put out, people! AND spam my comments so I can find you all. There will be many categories, some good, some bad. November is like that, people.
So, prepare yourself and get your best stuff up quick, and you might be seeing your name attached to the phrase, "And the Murkoe goes to..."
Peace and Fertility,
Murk
Unfortunately, the actual content of this article is not quite as sensational. I just felt like writing tonight. I don't even know what I feel like writing about yet. Hmmmmmm.
Oh! I got something.
I am going to start my own annual blog awards. They will be called Murkoes. I hope to have the first Murkoes Awards Blog Post by November, so put out, people! AND spam my comments so I can find you all. There will be many categories, some good, some bad. November is like that, people.
So, prepare yourself and get your best stuff up quick, and you might be seeing your name attached to the phrase, "And the Murkoe goes to..."
Peace and Fertility,
Murk
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
The Heart of My Identity
I've had a few requests for an insight into my mind and specifically my identity. In other words, who is Dr. Murk and why is he your identity?
As many of you well know, I flirt with a few online alternate identities, but Murk is my bread and butter. Dr. Robert J. Murk started as an email identity I used to make my friend Jesse laugh. It was Bob Merc. He was a sarcastic, semi-mentally ill drunk.
So, after one failed blog with Spacefarmer, called the Mission (I call it a failure because it didn't really take off. It was more of an experiment than a failure), I decided to make Bob Merc real. But, you can't just have an Identity with no background. I gave myself a PhD (because he's Paid His Dues) and changed the last name to Murk to imply vague, obtuse and opaque.
He was kind of a takeoff on Dr. Phil, but filthy and really caustic. He was a closet arsonist and frequently advocated burning things to solve problems. His life stories were obvious hyperbolic (not hyperbarric) and his palatial estate is a bit of a stretch, but not too much.
Okay, that being said, is Murk a fair representation of the real me? Yes. Murk is my manic, sarcastic, annoyed and judgemental side. He's not a complete picture, but he's a lot of what's in my head while I'm smiling and being polite at work, parties, picnics, natural disasters, etc.
For a time I actually tried on Dr. Murk in real life, with pretty disasterous results.
So, what's true about Murk? Recovering alcoholic, on meds for brain issues, weird as hell, did tons of drugs in college and even into his first career. He worked in finance. His current job is not my current job. When he 'died' for a while, I was pretty dead inside from fatigue, frustration and mental health issues. Malach really is his brother, The Piper is really his good old buddy for 20 years, Spacefarmer/ Cap'n Flak is his business partner and great friend/adopted brother.
So, where does this dark, murky personality stem from? Some is my father's sense of humor, some is my mother's quirky fun side and her no nonsense business side. A lot comes from being the low man in the popular crowd most of my life. People always assumed because I ran with that crowd, I was their equal. No. I was their literal and figurative punching bag for many years. Then, I ditched them senior year of high school in favor of complete random chaotic social life, a life with everybody, I call it. All people can play, even my hated enemies. Everyone is a special part.
BUT, the majority of Murk comes from my deep exploration of the human mind and manipulation of my own mind and others through words, most specifically shock and goading. My friends and associates had a rough go of it, and yeah, it was a passive aggressive way of getting my frustration out, but it was weird. I got good at pissing people off without trying too hard. And I liked it.
After Murk's death, he mellowed and has become kind of a sick mentor and macro-manager of the Third Option Empire (along with Malach and Spacefarmer, of course). Why? I quit drinking, got on meds and actually like all of the people who come and play with me online. I love the give and take and still dish out the occasional punishment, but I've softened the real sting a bit.
I wrote an article on this a while back about how everyone has a Murk in them. Mine just happened to be very close to the surface and needed to come out.
So, what do I do with this guy? Suggestions?
Bear in mind, I use alt identities to semi-cover my ass in case the wrong person stumbles upon one of my blogs or web sites. Reasonable doubt and plausible deniability.
What's next? Give me some ideas people.
Murk.
As many of you well know, I flirt with a few online alternate identities, but Murk is my bread and butter. Dr. Robert J. Murk started as an email identity I used to make my friend Jesse laugh. It was Bob Merc. He was a sarcastic, semi-mentally ill drunk.
So, after one failed blog with Spacefarmer, called the Mission (I call it a failure because it didn't really take off. It was more of an experiment than a failure), I decided to make Bob Merc real. But, you can't just have an Identity with no background. I gave myself a PhD (because he's Paid His Dues) and changed the last name to Murk to imply vague, obtuse and opaque.
He was kind of a takeoff on Dr. Phil, but filthy and really caustic. He was a closet arsonist and frequently advocated burning things to solve problems. His life stories were obvious hyperbolic (not hyperbarric) and his palatial estate is a bit of a stretch, but not too much.
Okay, that being said, is Murk a fair representation of the real me? Yes. Murk is my manic, sarcastic, annoyed and judgemental side. He's not a complete picture, but he's a lot of what's in my head while I'm smiling and being polite at work, parties, picnics, natural disasters, etc.
For a time I actually tried on Dr. Murk in real life, with pretty disasterous results.
So, what's true about Murk? Recovering alcoholic, on meds for brain issues, weird as hell, did tons of drugs in college and even into his first career. He worked in finance. His current job is not my current job. When he 'died' for a while, I was pretty dead inside from fatigue, frustration and mental health issues. Malach really is his brother, The Piper is really his good old buddy for 20 years, Spacefarmer/ Cap'n Flak is his business partner and great friend/adopted brother.
So, where does this dark, murky personality stem from? Some is my father's sense of humor, some is my mother's quirky fun side and her no nonsense business side. A lot comes from being the low man in the popular crowd most of my life. People always assumed because I ran with that crowd, I was their equal. No. I was their literal and figurative punching bag for many years. Then, I ditched them senior year of high school in favor of complete random chaotic social life, a life with everybody, I call it. All people can play, even my hated enemies. Everyone is a special part.
BUT, the majority of Murk comes from my deep exploration of the human mind and manipulation of my own mind and others through words, most specifically shock and goading. My friends and associates had a rough go of it, and yeah, it was a passive aggressive way of getting my frustration out, but it was weird. I got good at pissing people off without trying too hard. And I liked it.
After Murk's death, he mellowed and has become kind of a sick mentor and macro-manager of the Third Option Empire (along with Malach and Spacefarmer, of course). Why? I quit drinking, got on meds and actually like all of the people who come and play with me online. I love the give and take and still dish out the occasional punishment, but I've softened the real sting a bit.
I wrote an article on this a while back about how everyone has a Murk in them. Mine just happened to be very close to the surface and needed to come out.
So, what do I do with this guy? Suggestions?
Bear in mind, I use alt identities to semi-cover my ass in case the wrong person stumbles upon one of my blogs or web sites. Reasonable doubt and plausible deniability.
What's next? Give me some ideas people.
Murk.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
No Problem
Hey, guess what? I made it one whole year without having a single alcoholic drink. As of September 29th, it was one year. Some people are still confused as to why I dried out.
First, I have mood disorders. Depression, mania and anxiety. Alcohol is great to cover these while you're drinking, but makes them worse during the hangover phase.
I was drinking about a liter of brandy (or twelve to sixteen beers) four nights a week. Just not healthy. Plus, I was drinking alone and just to get drunk. I hate to sound like a pamphlet on alcoholism, but if you drink alone, it's a problem. Think about it. It's like celebrating your birthday by yourself or giving a victory speech to no one. It makes no sense other than the fact that your self medicating due to stress and that's bad.
I've seen the end of the alcoholism movie several times. There's three possible outcomes. Hospital and rehab, death or homelessness followed by death. They say I hit a high bottom. Don't get any sexy ideas here. It just means that I never went rock bottom, I went far enough to see the edge of the cliff and know that rock bottom was inevitable if I didn't stop within the next year.
So, what's it like? It's great. I lost 30 pounds in 1 year, I got my sanity back (with a little help from therapy, family, friends and ZOLOFT), and NO MORE HANGOVERS!!!!! Let's put it this way, after age thirty, hangovers last two to four days. If you binge for four straight days, the hangover can last a month, at least the fatigue and depression part.
Do I miss drinking? Actually, no. I miss certain smells and tastes. I was always happiest after the third or fourth drink. Problem is, I couldn't stop. I miss the first shot of brandy with a chaser of coke (soda). I kiss high hopped beers that knock ou on your ass after drinking four (and remember that my tolerance was off the charts high). Other than that, my dream for the past five years was to quit drinking. I was in a chemical prison and no, I don't intend to go back.
The thing I'm most proud of is I can keep my mouth shut when other people get drunk around me. I'm not the one to stop harmful addictions, they are. I'll even have fun with a drunk person.
What's the worst thing? Having to watch everyone else sufer through my personality changes. I hate being a bother, and some people get damn freaked out by the new me. That hurts, especially if I'm very close to them. I try to explain that it's better a new and slightly different me than a dead me.
Anyways, I hadn't done a sobriety update in a while, so for any concerned, I'm doing very well and compared to last year at this time, I am in a much better place in all facets of my life.
Lastly, feel free to slap the abusive comments up on how I quit, and your mamma didn't raise no quitters, or call me a pussy dry wimpo-faggini. I'll respond kindly enough with some simple facts.
Enjoy life, people. Might as well. We're stuck here anyways!
Murk.
First, I have mood disorders. Depression, mania and anxiety. Alcohol is great to cover these while you're drinking, but makes them worse during the hangover phase.
I was drinking about a liter of brandy (or twelve to sixteen beers) four nights a week. Just not healthy. Plus, I was drinking alone and just to get drunk. I hate to sound like a pamphlet on alcoholism, but if you drink alone, it's a problem. Think about it. It's like celebrating your birthday by yourself or giving a victory speech to no one. It makes no sense other than the fact that your self medicating due to stress and that's bad.
I've seen the end of the alcoholism movie several times. There's three possible outcomes. Hospital and rehab, death or homelessness followed by death. They say I hit a high bottom. Don't get any sexy ideas here. It just means that I never went rock bottom, I went far enough to see the edge of the cliff and know that rock bottom was inevitable if I didn't stop within the next year.
So, what's it like? It's great. I lost 30 pounds in 1 year, I got my sanity back (with a little help from therapy, family, friends and ZOLOFT), and NO MORE HANGOVERS!!!!! Let's put it this way, after age thirty, hangovers last two to four days. If you binge for four straight days, the hangover can last a month, at least the fatigue and depression part.
Do I miss drinking? Actually, no. I miss certain smells and tastes. I was always happiest after the third or fourth drink. Problem is, I couldn't stop. I miss the first shot of brandy with a chaser of coke (soda). I kiss high hopped beers that knock ou on your ass after drinking four (and remember that my tolerance was off the charts high). Other than that, my dream for the past five years was to quit drinking. I was in a chemical prison and no, I don't intend to go back.
The thing I'm most proud of is I can keep my mouth shut when other people get drunk around me. I'm not the one to stop harmful addictions, they are. I'll even have fun with a drunk person.
What's the worst thing? Having to watch everyone else sufer through my personality changes. I hate being a bother, and some people get damn freaked out by the new me. That hurts, especially if I'm very close to them. I try to explain that it's better a new and slightly different me than a dead me.
Anyways, I hadn't done a sobriety update in a while, so for any concerned, I'm doing very well and compared to last year at this time, I am in a much better place in all facets of my life.
Lastly, feel free to slap the abusive comments up on how I quit, and your mamma didn't raise no quitters, or call me a pussy dry wimpo-faggini. I'll respond kindly enough with some simple facts.
Enjoy life, people. Might as well. We're stuck here anyways!
Murk.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Yo, I Murk!
Okay, sabatical over.
Look people. We're fucked. There is only one hope. Head Drill.
That's right.
Head Drill.
okaysoletsalllgetadrillandmakeaholeinourhead.
Okay. Put the drill down.
Realize one thing.
1/3- your crazy ass
2/3- everyone else's crazy ass
Lets bring it home. Yes, you screw stuff up but most of the really screwed up stuff is done to you.
Analysis: Not Your Fault
Have a cookie.
Look people. We're fucked. There is only one hope. Head Drill.
That's right.
Head Drill.
okaysoletsalllgetadrillandmakeaholeinourhead.
Okay. Put the drill down.
Realize one thing.
1/3- your crazy ass
2/3- everyone else's crazy ass
Lets bring it home. Yes, you screw stuff up but most of the really screwed up stuff is done to you.
Analysis: Not Your Fault
Have a cookie.
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