NEWSBOYS EXCLUSIVE:
In another stunning development in the popular sport of Pig Racing, some hyperactive kid named Justin hit a lucky streak when his pig won two races in a row. Experts are calling this a Miracle produced by the god Spankers Wobbly. Others allege a widespreagd pig doping scandal.
When asked, Justin screamed, "Watch out!" and "Train!" and ran over several other children half his size. A large red man was seen wearing a 'Not MY kid...' Tee Shirt.
The pig, called Number 4, was tested and there was no trace of growth horone or steroids, but the child had been injected witha california speedball. Bolton State Fair Police wore uniforms and cried.
The proud father of Justin, wearing a multi-colored wig and flying a kite said, "This is the proudest moment of my label. I didn't even have a son until tomorrow. Is he a cheese yet? I'm so freaking hungry."
The mother of Justin was wonderful and nothing should be said about her. Ever.
The rest of the fair remained calm as Justin's pig tried to win the coveted Pifecta di Trio, but their silent astonishment was all for nothing, as a tragic lighting accident killed all of the race's umpires and the ribbon was given to Robert Redford for his lifetime of achievents.
The crowd exited to the chants of 'bullshit', but Justin seemed nonplussed. He'd found a fire hydrant and was looking for an angle to pee on it. The pig went on to make a great dinner for all involved.
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10 comments:
IN OTHER NEWS: I'm what's for dinner.
You wouldn't make jokes about pig-doping if a 600-lb porker had ever beaten you at chess and then threatend to beat the crap out of you if you didn't give him all your money.
Oh, wait. Maybe it wasn't the pig that had been doping that time.
Never mind.
You and Angryman are the same person, I can tell
Hoho, your my Vatican Bitch this week
so you went off the meds?
The Hunter S. Thompson impersonation does not become you. Well, you don't become it . . . You get what I'm saying!
mmmm i smell bacon when i read this.
i think pope got so excited about this blog because of all the children it had in it...
Did they have roasted taters with that?
This is a true story from start to finish, so fuck you angry man. And I didn't even write it. Nya Nya! Mr. Poopy Pants.
And for the rest of you, watch the Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job on adult swim.
C. Rag: Unfortunately the meds only work when Jesus is watching me.
MURK!
I has question
what books by John Twelve Hawks?
and, where is the old popes secret blog? does it still exist?
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