The Sports Rant

For those of you who aren't interested in sports, I still think you're shallow art phonies who got beat up by the likes of me and my jock buddies in high school.

For those of you who are interested in sports, exhibit A from Papa Murk:

It is Tuesday. Super Bowl Media Day. I don't really care. What can 3,500 media types tell me that I don't already know. I already know that Tom Brady nearly lost his leg against the Chargers. He had to go to New York and have his booboo kissed better and is ready to give it a try on next Sunday. I already know that Peyton Manning will be in Super Bowl commercials but not the Super Bowl game. Some high school sophomore named Eli is going to be the starting quarterback for the NFC Champions N. Y. Giants and has the mighty Patriots trembling at his new found proficiencies. I even know the final score 23-17. Thanks Plaxico for that info. Why are they putting me through this torture? What more do I need to know?
I am kind of hoping that someone will give me a reason to believe the Giants belong in this Game. I tried comparing personnel. I really do not want any of the Giants players over any of the Patriots players. Maybe Brandon Jacobs as a short yardage guy. Maybe Strahan as an off the edge rusher on third and twenty situation. That is pretty much it. I don't want to trade front office staff or coaching staffs. The won/loss records are a joke. Super Bowl experience no comparison there either. So I am asking you help out your dear old Dad. Find a reason. Any reason to believe the Game will be drama filled.
Help Dad

Okay...

Relax for a minute. Slow your breathing. Nevermind. I forgot who I was talking to here.

We're talking about a game. A game. Not practice. A game. We're talking about a game. A game? A game?

Here is what I've dubbed 'The Reverse Iverson'. I'm so freaking nervous to even trot this one out. It goes against all of my superstitious beliefs. The game itself is unimportant. It's not about winning and losing. Winning is not what counts here. Practice is what counts. Practice is what will make the game worthwhile. The only thing we should be talkin' 'bout right here is practice. Not a game. Practice.

The drama is not found in the win. It's like watching a fine actor in Hamlet or Lethal Weapon or The Great Race. Knowing the outcome will not destroy the thrill of seeing a great performer (actually, about 30 of them) at the peak of his career create something brilliant and moving out of what some would consider to be very cliche. Study the way he breaks the huddle and walks his team to the line. Witness the look on the directors face as he says his lines.

"Red. 88. Red. 88. Hut hut. Hut."

Everyone knows what is coming. His cocky wide receiver runs the route to perfection. The blocking is there. A nice play fake. He drops back and launches.

Intercepted!

The tragic downfall was predictable. Even when it looked like victory was in reach, and he was poised to write the greatest storybook ending in history, his own character flaws destroy him in full view of the assembled cast... dear God, bless his heart. He must be the sickest man in America right now.

And then, as he walks off the field, he realizes the true horror. He's doomed to play this role for four full quarters. He's good at it. Maybe the best there will ever be. Only time will tell.

Bravo! Eli! Eli! Bravo! Eli!

Folks, we might be witnessing the best performance by a choke artist in NFL history.

Eli Manning will get his wish. He will surpass his brother. Unfortunately, he forgot to specify in what respect he wished to surpass him. You see, Peyton was the best failure in the NFL. Maybe better than Marino. But he slipped up and won a game last year. A championship game. THE championship game. Peyton chocked as a choke artist. Now, it's up to Eli to take the reigns.

And, he has plenty of preactice.

Not to mention it will completely rock to see Giants Fans cry off their face paint before half time.