Things I Love

Snow.

Yes, I know it gets messy and it makes things cold and wet, but so does a blow job, right? That doesn't mean it's not a beautiful thing. There are many things to love about snow. I love slipping and falling down in it. I love how it makes large car accidents. I love when it colapses a school rooftop. It can even trap starving infant children in a mine shaft. Am I right folks?

Every once in a while, if a snowfall is just special enough, they tell you not to bother to come in to work. Being a self employed psychometrist and (adult) film maker, if I see a flake... just one fucking flake, I cancel work and give all my employees the day off. Why? The Snow Day.

Those of you from gay warmer latitudes will not know this, but in the colder, more awesome areas of the world, we get days off when it snows. This is especially true of schools. There's nothing better than being a kid, waking up at six thirty a.m. and finding out you get to sit around, eat cereal, make snow forts and peg cars with snowballs all day instead of having school.

It is with this nostalgia that I approach the snowfall in the Northeaster United States today. Look, as an adult, I guess there's less magic to snow, but it's kinda like the softcore porn on Cinemax that got you through high school. Sure, it doesn't do much for you today, but think of all the memories you had! What fun! Weeeee! And the snow days were pretty cool too.

So, I personally call every employee in my six companies between the hours of 3 and 4 in the morning to tell them to shut off their alarm, put on their Whitesnake bathrobe and Garfield slippers and eat Coco Puffs drenched in hot chocolate. And you should see what I do when it snows. I give them the day off too!