The Ignorant Have Fingers

After wading my way through the "Jonestown Scandal" over at You Tube, I became a bit despondent. Then I realized something very important. Idiots have fingers. Cats don't have fingers. Neither do turtles. But idiots do.

That means that any idiot can use a computer. This wasn't true ten years ago. In 1998, getting on the internet was complex. Posting your criminally dumb ideas was almost impossible. Jump back further to the 1950s. Ignorant biggots had to use bullhorns to get on TV. They had to burn crosses or shit on an American Flag.

Now, just point and click your way to idiot central, i.e. the internet.

Remember that guy who used to come by your parties and tell everyone he had the funniest video, and then you watched it and it was some friend of his shooting water out of his ass or some giant dump on a car hood? That guy can now put his video online. Not only that, but some other idiot who fails to see the humor can make horrifyingly inane comments about said video.

Now "Jonestown" is an awesome video by two very funny guys and posted by Malach. The premise is simple. A man in a hat looks out into the pastoral hills and finds himself bored. Outraged, he decides to show the audience a place where it's not so boring. JONESTOWN!

There, he is joined by his friend in another type of hat and they tell the audience all the wonderful qualities of Jonestown. Simply breath taking work. Applause.

Well, some fuckos don't agree. Fine. Make a comment that you think the video is in poor taste and leave, right? NOOOOOO. They have to hang around and harrass Malach and even pretend to contact his local police force (who Malach owns by way of copious amounts of lager dropped down their gullets). Ignore them, right? Shut the fuck up. I'm Dr. Murk, not Sally Sweetheart Lovesemall. So, I've designed a new threat, one so disturbing, pigs squeal even though they don't read my blog when the read my blog.

I will not mention any names.

I am going to find these people and bake them a giant cake filled with dynamite and cyanide. Then, I'm going to go to their house and put the cake on their table and get a knife. With that knife, I will open a very securely taped box filled with scorpions and wolves. Upon openeing the box, I will serve the cake to them at knifepoint, shoot their feet off, dump them and all the wolves and scorpions into a shark tank as I hit the detonator for the dynamite while simultaneously calling down lightning bolt after lightning bolt Tesla style and faking a nuclear launch to trigger a counterstrike on their house, leaving me just enough time to douse their half eaten, poisoned, explided, stung and bitten bodies with hydrogen rocket fuel so I can light a match and run away while barbarian hordes invade their colons with sharp, broken glass dildos right before the nuclear holocaust to follow.

The greatest part will be ringing the doorbell with my funny little straw hat and yelling "JONESTOWN!!!" when they open the door.

Murk.