Bordering on Awesome

I've had this thing hanging about my palatial estate for a few years. It's kind of like an arial servant or something. It's way out back past the corn field and the old well, near the access road I built for the servants. I pass it y whildst riding my tractor from time to time.

One day, I stopped and asked its name.

"Rock Hudson," it said.

"Now stop that," I said, "What's your real name?"

"If I were to give you my real name," it said, "Then you'd be at liberty to command me."

"Indeed," I said. "I'm guessing you won't tell me."

"Nope," it said.

"Twenty questions, then?" I offered.

"Sure," it said.

"Liberal?" I asked.

"Yes," it said.

"Spectacles?" I asked.

"Yes," it said.

"Bachelor?" I asked.

"No," it said.

"Ghost of the Angry Veteran," I said.

"Fuck," it said.

"Go wash my car," I told it. So, you see...

Liberal. Spectacle. Not Bachelor. = Angry Veteran.