Job Interviews

So, I decided to go on a few job interviews. Did I need a job? No. But I figured it would pass the time. So, I came up with some great one liners to try out when being interviewed.

Q: So, what would you say is your best quality?

"Taste. I taste fantastic."

"I don't steal like the other people."

"Cable TV?"

"I'm Batman."

"My best quality is better than my good quality, and much better than my worst quality."

"My tireless ability to sabotage everyone."

"I burp names backwards. Lwohsa!"

Q: What is your greatest weakness?

"My volcanic temper, why?"

"Magnets. They make me weak."

"I get caught up in the sodomy thing a lot..."

"Zoltar has no weaknesses."

"You."

"I can't paint portraits very well."

"I refure to towel. Air Dry Only."

Q: Why do you want to work for this company?

"I'm looking for that special someone."

"Free lube."

"I'm planning an insurance scam."

"The Doctor said I could."

"So I can prove the parole board wrong."

"Spicy Taco Fridays."

Q: Why did you leave your last job?

"It was crowded."

"I left? SHIT!"

"I couldn't hide all the bodies."

"I spit on the Boss's kid."

"I got FIRED!!! WHOOOO!!!!"

"Oh. I should have asked them, eh?"

"I had bees."

"Men's Room Fight Club."

Q: When can you start?

"As soon as you stop."

"No no no. Only if you tell me I'm hired first."

"I can't. Makes this kinda pointless I guess."

"As soon as the meth wears off, Cochese."

"That's a secret. I'll tell you for a dollar."