Tequilla tastes like gasoline. Good tequilla tastes like high test gasoline. The jackass on the Jose Cuervo commercials tastes like puke in my mouth. I don't drink and haven't for 3 years. And sure, I used to drink tequilla. Lots of it. But this guy...
He's got this tough guy Italian accent. He is, in his own little quaint way, acting like he's the pope of liquor town, complaining about how high priced tequilla is stupid and how awesome and cool he is for drinking bargain brand hooch. In his fancy Italian suit. With his black wingtips, which somehow always make it into the commercial even though he's sitting behind a table.
Seriously. This isn't his actual schpiel, but here's my imitation, in writing:
"Yo. Fancy tequilla is too fancy for my friggin' tastes. I'm just a regula guy who dresses wicked fancy and talks like dis. So, yous guys who drink dat fancy sissy crap are loooosas. I'm a man. I drink dis shit. So should you. Capice? Eh. Drink up, cockknobs! I'm smooth. Ladies? Yeah. Dig me, huh?"
I can hadnle Pepsi going to work on Coke's image to up sales. Pepsi is a soda and it's comparable. I can deal with auto insurance commercials calling other companies out by name. I can stomach fast food chains making fun of each other. Fine. But JOSE CUERVO???
Tequilla is all piss. If you drink urine, and complain that the fancy urine is all velvet ropes and red carpet and that the good old cheap urine is much cooler, you're nuts. You still drink urine. You can wear a nice suit. You can talk like a tough guy, but you still smell like pee pee.
So, here's the fuckyou to the tequilla guy. fuckyou.
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3 comments:
Hey that's Michael Imporoli, and I do believe he is just being the Character he played in the Sopranos.
According the Wikinazis he is a active member of the Jazz Foundation of America, which mean you and him are the same person.
I don't drink either. And fancying up tequila is kinda like putting a dress on a ceramic goose: It's still a lame ceramic goose that stands testament to the owners lameness because they not only put it out but also took the trouble to dress cement for the appropriate weather or holiday.
I'm trying to remember who the Mormophobe was back during the election primary because I did a Morm Trooper post today.
Had a Tequila Sunrise once many moons ago. Can't remember if I liked it...I drank it though for sure.
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